Wasted
by LivForever
Summary: What if Olivia's mom had lived longer but, was on a reckless path? Olivia tries her best to save her but, who tries to save Olivia during it all?
1. Chapter 1

**What if Olivia's mom wasn't dead yet but, was on a reckless path? Olivia tries to save her mom but, who tries to save Olivia? E/O! **

"Just shut up! Shut up! What did you expect to happen to you after you started working at a rape place?" Serena Benson shouted as loud as she could. She had a bottle of Vodka in one and a bottle of whiskey in the other. "You signed up to be assaulted so stop whining!"

Olivia sat there on the couch. Her heart piercing with every word that her mother said to her. She knew she was drunk, but everything she said was true. She shouldn't be whining about it. She practically did sign up for it, being a woman and all. She continued to listen to her mother rant and throw things while she tried to keep the tears from falling.

"I need more," Serena said throwing her bottles into the trash. She went to grab her keys off the coffee table but Olivia stopped her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'll go get it," Olivia said, "What do you need?" She didn't really want to be the one to give her mother more alcohol but, she didn't want her mother to kill herself by driving. Or anyone else for that matter.

"Vodka," Serena answered, "Lots of it."

Olivia grabbed her purse and headed out of the house. The cold December air hit her face causing her to shiver. She needed the time and space to think so she decided to walk no matter how cold it was. She was a block from the liquor store when her cell phone started buzzing in her pocket.

"Benson," she stated.

"Hey Liv," it was Elliot, "We have a case."

Shoot. What was she suppose to tell Elliot? That she would be late because she had to bring her mother vodka? "Where?"

"32nd Street," he replied.

"I'll be there shortly," she said before hanging up. She sighed and put the phone back into her pocket before walking into the store.

She bought two bottles of Vodka hoping her mother would pass out before finishing them. She caught a cab outside and headed back to her mother's house to drop off the bottles.

"What's this?" Serena spat angrily, "Only two? I asked for four!"

"Mom," Olivia said sitting the bag down on the coffee table, "It's all they had left. I have to go."

Before Serena could say anything else Olivia was already out of the apartment and on her way to the crime scene.

"What do we got?" Olivia asked Elliot as she made her way up to the scene.

"Female, early thirties, beaten and raped," Elliot explained.

"It looks like cause of death was strangulation," Melinda Warner announced. "I'll know more once I do the autopsy."

Olivia and Elliot both nodded and headed back to the precinct to get information on the Jane Doe.

"What took so long?" Elliot asked once they were in the squad car.

"I had some errands to do," Olivia answered.

"Before a case?"

"Why are you badgering me?" she asked angrily.

"Sorry," he said backing off.

"No," Olivia said, "Don't be. It's just been a bad day."

Elliot wanted to ask more but he knew it wasn't his business. He knew that if and when Olivia wanted to talk about she would come to him. Until then, he would just keep a close eye on her.

Olivia was sitting at her desk finishing some old paperwork while they waited for the results of the autopsy. Elliot was also at his desk filling out paperwork and shooting wads of paper into the trashcan like basketball.

"What?" Elliot smiled when he noticed that Olivia was watching him.

"Nothing," she laughed getting back to her paperwork. Her desk phone started ringing and she put her pen down to answer it. "Manhattan Special Victim's Unit this is Detective Benson."

"Olivia," Serena mumbled, "I need more."

Olivia sighed and eyed the bullpen making sure no one was paying attention to her, "I'm sorry ma'am."

"Dammit Olivia! Just bring me my damn Vodka!" Olivia was afraid that everyone in the room could hear her mother through the phone so she hung it up getting back to her paperwork.

"Who was that?" Elliot questioned turning his chair to her desk.

"Nobody," Olivia said blatantly.

"So you're telling me a ghost called to report a rape?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and ignored his question focusing solely on the work she had in front of her. She wanted to tell Elliot so badly about her mother but, she was afraid of how he would judge her. He knew that her mother was raped, but he didn't know that she turned to alcohol and ever since she had been a drunk. Olivia had tried multiple times to convince her mom to go to rehab and get sober but her mother wasn't having any of it. She would get angry and break things. Olivia hated having to take care of her mother but she would also hate it if something bad happened to her. She felt trapped. Trapped her own body. Sometimes she just wished her mom would have gotten an abortion. Maybe then both of their lives would have been better.


	2. Chapter 2

It was getting late and they had no leads on the case so far so Cragen sent Elliot and Olivia home for the night.

"Need a ride?" Elliot asked Olivia.

"No thanks," she said after putting her blue scarf around her neck, "I'll take a cab."

"No you won't," he said, "It's late and I don't trust cab drivers."

Olivia smiled as his sympathy and didn't argue anymore. She thought she could use the company anyways. "So," Olivia said making conversation in the car, "We have been partners for how long now and I've never seen your place?"

Elliot smiled as he turned the keys in the ignition, "It's nothing fancy. Just a small apartment."

"Bachelor pad?"

"I don't really attract girls with my job," Elliot said, "What about you? Got any boyfriends?"

"If I had a boyfriend you would be the first to know," she laughed,

"Here you go," Elliot said, "Front door service." He had pulled right up in front of her house and put the car in park. Olivia wasn't even out of the car already and her mother had came outside.

"Olivia!" Her words were slurred and her walking was like a two year olds, "Who's that man?"

Olivia sighed hating that her mother wasn't passed out yet. Elliot was watching from his seat in the car but he didn't say anything.

"Get in the house," Olivia said after shutting the car door. She went to grab her mother's arm and lead her inside but Serena yanked it away.

"Hey you!" Serena yelled towards Elliot, "Come here."

Olivia couldn't bare to look at him. She just continued trying to pull her mother in the house. Elliot turned his car off and got out walking up to Serena. He could instantly smell the alcohol on her breath. "Are you the one who assaulted my daughter?" she slurred some more. Before Elliot could say anything Serena was talking again, "Good. Maybe now she will quit that damned job!"

Olivia felt like running. Running anywhere but where she was. She couldn't believe the words her mother had just said. Sure, she had said things that hurt her before but, this was different. This was terrible and it didn't help the nightmares and depression that Olivia felt.

"Ms. Benson," Elliot said, "I'm not the one who did that to your daughter and that was very rude."

Serena laughed in his face, "Ha! You're funny."

"Liv," Elliot said, "Get back in the car. I don't want you staying here."

"El," Olivia said. She wanted to go with Elliot desperately but the whole reason she lived with her mom was to make sure nothing bad happened to her. She didn't care at this point. Her mother's words had hurt her. She walked back to Elliot's car with him following behind and shut the door with her mom standing there stunned.

"Just leave!" Serena yelled, "Run away like you always do!"

Elliot pulled the car away from the house and didn't say anything. He just stayed quiet while Olivia tried to hide her tears.

"You okay?" he asked once the pulled up in front of his apartment.

"I'm fine," she said quietly.

"What was that back there?" he asked stepping out of the car.

"My mom is an alcoholic," Olivia explained as they walked into the house.

"Sorry," Elliot said.

"You can have my bed," he said pointing to the only bedroom in the house, "I'll sleep on the couch."

"I'm not going to steal your bed," Olivia said, "I'll sleep on the couch."

"Please," Elliot begged.

Olivia was tired and she didn't feel like arguing, "If you insist."

"I do," he said leading her into the room.

"Hey El," she said to him before he walked out, "Thank you."

"I'd do it anytime. You shouldn't be around that Liv. What she said was wrong and I hope you know that you didn't deserve that. You don't deserve any of it." He walked out and turned the light off.

Olivia laid there in his bed with his pillows under her head and his blanket engulfing her. His scent was all over it. She let the silent tears fall. She cried for her mother and her selfish ways and she cried from the memories of her attack. She let the tears carry her to sleep where she wished she wouldn't have a nightmare.

_"You selfish bitch! Why are you doing this? You can't leave me!" Serena was outraged. She dropped her bottle to the ground causing the glass to shatter everywhere. "Take it back," Serena said, "Take it back or I… I… I'll throw this at you." She picked a shard of glass off the floor and held it in her hand._

_ Olivia was frightened, "Please stop."_

_ "Take it back! You can't move out! I need you."_

_ "I'm sorry," Olivia said. She picked up the last box that was left and started toward the door._

_ "I warned you," Serena said letting the glass slip out of her hand._

_ Olivia dropped the box and slid to the floor desperately gasping for air. The glass had dug deep into her back and Olivia felt her breath slipping away._

She woke up in a startle panic. She couldn't believe the dream she had just had. Actually, she could but it didn't ease her pain. She hated what her father had done to her mother and she hated what her mother was doing to her. She just wished that there was some way she could save her. She saved everybody else so why not her own mom?

In the living room, Elliot could hear Olivia moving around so he got up to check on her. "You alright?"

'Yeah," she said quietly, "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't," he said softly, "I couldn't sleep."

"I don't think I'll be going back to sleep either."

"Want to come in the living room? I'll make us some tea."

Olivia gently pulled Elliot's covers off of her making her shiver a bit and followed Elliot into the living room. She sat down on the couch and Elliot soon joined her handing her a mug of warm tea.

"Bad dream?" He asked after taking a sip.

She sighed, "How'd you know?"

"I heard you begging your mom to stop," he said quietly, "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that."

"At least it wasn't another nightmare about the assault," she said trying to lighten the mood.

"You shouldn't have had to go through that either."

She could feel the lump in her throat but she didn't want to cry. She didn't want Elliot to see her vulnerable side. "Yeah. Well."

"You're beautiful," Elliot said bluntly.

Olivia turned her attention toward him, "What?"

"You're beautiful," he said again, "Your hair is always perfect. Your skin is a perfect olive shade and it always glows. Your eyes sparkle too."

"I don't know what to say," she blushed. How did he know that she had longed for him to say this to her? She didn't care how he knew. She was just glad he said it.

"We are going to be tired at work tomorrow," Elliot said finishing his tea, "We should try to get a few more hours of sleep."

"Goodnight," she said through a yawn.

"Goodnight Liv."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews people. Means everything to me!**

The next day was suppose to be Olivia's day off at work but she really didn't want to go home. She figured she might as well get over it and talk to her mom about getting help. Maybe for once she would be sober enough to listen.

"If you need anything," Elliot said before she left, "Anything at all, you call me."

"I will," she said smiling, "Thanks."

She hauled a cab back to her house and prepared herself for whatever was waiting behind the door. "Mom?" Olivia shut the door behind her and looked around at the mess that the living room was. There was trash everywhere and broken glass on the floor. Still no sign of her mom. She walked down the hallway that led to her mother's bedroom and opened the door. There her mom was passed out on the floor. Olivia sighed. She walked over to her and picked her up by the arms and laying her down on the bed. She covered her up with the blanket and then walked out. She didn't know where her life was going anywhere. She felt like it had just stopped. She spent all of her time at work and her downtime at home being bullied by her own mother.

She walked back into the living room and began cleaning up the glass. She was careful not to step on any and when it was all cleaned up she began working on the trash. The house was spotless before she finally sat down and took a breather. She didn't know what she was going to do the rest of the day. She didn't have any friends that didn't have jobs and when she wasn't working she had nothing to do. She decided to take a nap. She was still a little tired from not sleeping the night before. She walked into her bedroom and climbed into her twin sized bed. She pulled the covers up under her chin and closed her eyes. She wished she was still in Elliot's bed. She felt safe there.

Olivia hadn't gotten to sleep long when her mother woke up and came into her room. "Liv?" she said in an innocent voice, "Are you okay?"

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she shuttered a bit at the sight of her mom in her face. "Yeah."

"I'm going to the grocery store," Serena said, "Do you need anything?"

Her mom was sober. "No thanks. When you come back do you think we could talk?"

"Sure sweetie," Serena said before walking out.

Olivia loved her mom when she was sober. She was loving and caring and everything a mother should be. The only thing was she never apologized for being a drunk and she never accepted she was. Olivia wiped the tiredness from her eyes and stretched out before answering her ringing phone.

"Benson."

"Hey Liv," Elliot said, "I'm on a lunch break and I figured we could grab a sandwich or something. If you aren't busy?"

"I'm not busy," she said, "And I'd love to grab a sandwich."

"Great," he smiled, "Because I'm waiting outside."

Olivia playfully rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see and threw the covers off of her. "I'm coming Stabler."

"Where to?" he asked from the car.

"You're paying so you pick," she said.

"Why do I have to pay?" he said laughing.

"Because," she began, "I spent all my money on my mom's vodka last night."

"Why do you do it?"

"When my mom is sober she is the most caring and loving person," Olivia sighed, "But when she's drunk…"

"Which is all the time," Elliot added sensitively.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to her," Olivia explained, "She is still my mom. Underneath all that rage."

"She needs help," Elliot said treading lightly.

"I've tried," Olivia said, "Can we talk about something else?"

"What if I help?" Elliot asked.

"El," Olivia said desperately wanting to change the subject, "Can we please not talk about this?"

"Fine," he said gently, "Let's just enjoy lunch."

**Short chapter… I know. It's still a good one. Right**


	4. Chapter 4

"Thanks for lunch," Olivia said once he had driven her back home.

"You're welcome," he smiled, "I better get back to work. Cragen will have my ass."

"See ya."

"I'll call you tonight?" he asked and stated at the same time.

Olivia just smiled and walked into her house where her mother was waiting on the couch.

"Hey honey," she said in a caring tone, "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

Olivia sat down on the couch next to her mom and took both of her hands onto her own, "I want to talk about putting you in rehab."

"That's silly," Serena laughed, "I'm not an addict."

"No," Olivia sighed, "You're an alcoholic. You need help."

"Olivia," she said more sternly, "Why are making such outrageous accusations? I only drink a little bit. No more than anyone else."

"You drink up to six bottles of Vodka a day," Olivia stated, "You need help. I can't keep being your sitter. I have a life to you know?"

Serena pulled her hands away from Olivia's and walked into the kitchen. Olivia could hear her rummaging through the cabinets and she knew she was looking for the alcohol. "Can you just stop for one second?" Olivia asked getting agitated, "Just listen to me!"

"I need a drink." She took the bottle of Vodka out of the cabinet and stated downing it. It was halfway gone in a matter of seconds. "Why are you just standing there like an idiot? Clean this damn place up. It's a pigsty."

Olivia wanted to punch something. Only a half hour ago her mother was sober and being as kind as she could but then she turned to the bottle. That never solved any problems. Olivia just walked to her room slamming the door behind her and locking it. She threw herself onto her bed feeling like a teenager all over again. She couldn't keep being so nice to her mom. It was hurting her emotionally but, she couldn't just leave her either. She had to find a way to get her help. Maybe she should talk to Elliot about it. Maybe he really can help. She sighed and brought her hands to her temples were she rubbed gently hoping her pounding headache would soon go away.

_"Why would you want to work there? You're just setting yourself up to be raped."_

_ "I want to help people," Olivia answered, "You know what it's like t want the bastards in jail."_

_ "It's not a job for a woman," her mother spat._

_ Then she saw the jail bars. The baton running across them making that terrible sound. She could see him. Standing there staring at her. Smiling that ugly smile. "Please don't do this," she begged. He was forcing her to look. Forcing her to do things she never wanted to do._

Rinnnnnng. Olivia jumped awake at the sound of her phone. Her heart was beating fast and she didn't realize she had fallen asleep. She quickly moved her hand to the bedside table an grabbed her pone. "Hey," she said trying to sound calm."

"Hey," Elliot said, "What's wrong? Are you crying?"

'No," she lied, "I'm okay. How was work?"

"Work was work," he answered sadly, "Are you sure you're okay?"

She was silent for a moment, "I'm okay."

Elliot stated filling her in on how much the case with Jane Doe had developed when Olivia was rudely interrupted by her mother barging in.

"Olivia," she slurred. Her eyes were bloodshot. "Olivia… I need… What are you doing? Who are you talking to? I was hollering for you and you didn't answer me."

"I'm sorry," Olivia said, "I didn't hear you."

"Because you were talking on that damn phone!" Serena was angry and Olivia could see it in her eyes. "You're just like your father!" Serena charged toward Olivia and ran her hand across her face as hard as she could causing Olivia to wince in pain.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked panicking, "LIv? Are you okay? Olivia, I'm coming over right now!"

"El, I'm fine." She was crying and she couldn't hide it this time.

"Like hell you are."

Serena was getting more and more angry that Olivia hadn't hung up the phone yet so she finally smacked it out of Olivia's hands. "You don't ever listen. You are a no good piece of trash. Get the hell out of my house."

"Mom," Olivia said calmly, "Calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do! Get out!"

Olivia grabbed a bag that she always kept packed full of necessities from under her bed and headed toward the door. "I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted," Olivia said before heading out, "I'm sorry that you don't have the life you wanted and I'm sorry you were raped. I'm not sorry for walking out right now."

"You aren't walking out," Serena laughed, "I kicked you out."

Olivia had had enough. She slammed the door behind her as she walked to the curb and waited for Elliot to pick her up. Her face was still stinging from the blow and she figured she would have a bruise there tomorrow. She had forgotten to grab her jacket but she didn't dare go back inside to grab it. She just sat on the curb with her belongings shivering. Waiting for someone to save her.

Elliot pulled up not too long later and his heart broke for the sight he saw. Olivia looked freezing and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. He got out of the car and took her bag from her placing it in the backseat and opened the door for her to get in.

"She hit me," Olivia said keeping her eyes on the road. "In the face."

"Olivia, you can't keep letting her do this to you," Elliot said, "You can't keep letting her treat you like this. You were sitting on the curb when it's two degrees outside because your own mother kicked you out."

"She won't listen to me," Olivia said, "She was sober today. For a little bit. I tried to talk to her about it but, she just denied it and turned to the bottle. I went to my room and fell asleep. I had another nightmare."

"I think you should talk to someone Liv," Elliot said gently, "You don't seem okay."

"I just…"

"Please Olivia," Elliot begged, "You haven't talked to anyone about the assault or your mother."

"They'll think I'm weak."

"I don't think you're weak," Elliot said, "I think you are one of the toughest people out there. Who else would stay so long with their alcoholic parent because they cared? Who else could bust perps every day and handle working with special victims?"

"You," Olivia said honestly.

"I don't have another job once I come home," Elliot said pulling in front of his house.

"I just wish she would see what she's doing…"

"I know you do," he said grabbing her bag from the backseat and carrying it into his house, "I know."

Elliot fixed her a small mug of warm tea and then made his bed for her. He knew she was upset and he wanted to try his best to comfort her. He even offered to sleep next to her.

"Nothing will happen," he said, "I just don't want you to be alone."

Olivia felt her heart give a small smile, "I don't really want to be alone…"

"Then it's settled." Elliot climbed into bed on one side and Olivia climbed in on the other. She closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep. It was only 10 o' clock but she was exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She was lost somewhere in her thoughts when she felt Elliot scoot closer to her. Her heart began beating faster and a small smile crept on her face. Then she felt his arm reach up to her and wrap around her waist. She forgot all about her mother and finally felt like someone cared. Someone was taking the time to listen to her and help her with the situation. She was glad it was Elliot and not somebody else.


	5. Chapter 5

"Liv," Elliot whispered shaking her gently, "We have to get up and get ready for work."

Olivia stirred and stretched before she opened her eyes to see the handsome Elliot Stabler hovering over her. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Elliot smiled, "We better hurry, we have about an hour until we are due at work."

Olivia got out of bed and yawned before walking into Elliot's living room to grab her work clothes from her bag. She also grabbed her tooth brush and deodorant and headed to the bathroom. Both her and Elliot were done getting ready in twenty minutes and they headed outside to the precinct. Elliot didn't say anything to Olivia because he was sure she saw her face in the mirror, but he knew the other people at the precinct would. It was blue and purple and slightly swollen. He wondered if Serena had done more than just slap her.

"Whoa, Liv, what happened?" Fin asked when he first saw her.

"It's nothing," she said, "A perp just got a little carried away."

Fin didn't believe her but he didn't say anything else. He just handed her the sheet of information that they had uncovered about Jane Doe.

"Hey El," Olivia said looking at the sheet, "This says that our Jane Doe's real name is Melissa Benson."

"Do you know her?"

"It's my aunt," Olivia said. She sat the paper down on her desk and then sat down in her chair and started going through her drawers. "I never met her. My mother always said that she was up to no good. They used to be close before my mother was attacked."

Elliot sighed and rested his chin in his hand which was propped up on the edge of Olivia's desk. "Do you know anybody who would want to rape her?"

"Like I said, I never met her," Olivia explained, "I just know what my mother told me. Here's a picture," she said pulling it from her drawer.

Elliot took the picture in his hand and looked at it closely. It was an older picture of Olivia's mom and Melissa.

"I have news!" Melinda announced walking into the squad room, "Turns out, she wasn't raped."

"Then it's not our case," Olivia said, "Let's hand it over to homicide."

"I don't think you want to do that Olivia," Melinda said.

"Why not?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"There was some DNA found at the crime scene," Melinda said softly, "Olivia, the DNA belongs to your mother."

Elliot got up from where he was sitting and walked behind Olivia just in time before her knees gave out. "Are you okay?"

She regained her posture with Elliot's help and answered, "My mother's not a killer."

"DNA says otherwise," Melinda said handing her the case folder, "I know you don't want it to be true but, it is." Then she turned and walked away leaving Olivia to stand there with Elliot's arms holding her up.

"My father's a rapist and now my mom is a murderer," she said in a voice that was barely audible.

"Liv."

"I can't work this case," she said, "I… I can't be here. I need to get home."

"Liv, wait," Elliot said gently grabbing her by the arm. Let me talk to Cragen. I'm sure he will understand that you need some time off. Maybe you should go talk to Huang."

"No!" Olivia spat, "My mother is being accused of murder and I'm not just going to stay here while cops swarm her house!" She went to storm away but again Elliot grabbed her. She didn't resist. She collapsed into his chest and let the sound of her sobs fill the squad room. Cragen was watching the whole thing from the doorway of his office.

"Liv," Cragen said approaching them, "Go talk to Huang."

"I'm fine," she insisted.

"It's not up for negotiation. Go."

Olivia sighed and pulled away from Elliot's embrace heading up the stairs to Huang's office. Cragen had pulled Elliot into his own office and sat him down to figure out what was going on.

"What's wrong with her?" Cragen asked grabbing a stick of red licorice.

"Her mom is an alcoholic," Elliot explained, "Jane Doe is really Melissa Benson. Olivia's aunt. Last night her mother slapped her across the face and then kicked her out. That's why she has the bruise."

Upstairs, Olivia was sitting on the leather couch in George Huang's office. He was trying to get information out of her but she wouldn't spill. She had already ruined her tough girl status and she wanted to keep whatever dignity she had left.

"Olivia, tell me about your mother," George said in his shrinking voice.

Olivia looked up at him and gave a sad smile, "What's there to tell? She's an alcoholic who wants nothing to do with me. Who can blame her? She was raped and it wasn't her fault that she got pregnant."

"It wasn't yours either," he said writing something down on his yellow pad of paper.

"She thinks so," Olivia explained, "I keep… having nightmares. That she kills me."

This was news to George, he didn't even think Olivia slept, much less had nightmares. "In your nightmares, are you looking at her doing this to you from a different perspective, or are you there in your own body?"

"I'm in my own body," she answered not seeing the relevance.

"Olivia, what happened to you at Sealview last month?"

"What?" Olivia asked, "This has nothing to do with my mother."

"What happened at Sealview last month?" he asked again.

Olivia sighed and forced the lump in her throat to go away before she spoke, "I was sexually assaulted."

"What did your mom think of that?"

"She told me I deserved it," Olivia answered choking on her words, "Can you believe that?"

George stopped talking and gave Olivia a moment to gather her thoughts while he continued writing things down in his notepad. "What happened to your cheek?"

"She hit me…"

George felt terrible for Olivia. Throughout his years working with SVU he had grown close to her and cared for her like a friend should. Hearing her saying these things made his heart break and he knew she was on a destructive path. Only once before had he seen Olivia cry and that was after a tough case with children involved. He had heard about her background before, about her mother being raped. But he didn't know that she had turned to alcohol after. He wondered how Olivia had kept it together for so long.

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like I have nobody," she answered honestly. "I don't have a father. My mother hates me. I don't have any other family. All my life I've been alone. I've always had to be the adult." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and took in a deep breath. "I just want somebody to care about me.


	6. Chapter 6

Cragen felt even more terrible about his actions now that he put two and two together and realized that the little girl was Olivia. He ordered her to take a few weeks off and told her if she ever needed anybody to talk to, he was there. Elliot told her that she could stay at his place for as long as she needed and she gladly accepted it.

It was 8 o'clock at night and Olivia had stayed in bed all day. She didn't sleep, she just lay there thinking. Elliot would be home soon and she didn't want to be a terrible house guest so she got up and cleaned the house a little bit and ordered Elliot's favorite meal from the Chinese take-out place.

"Hey Liv," Elliot said walking in the door, "How was your day?"

"Good," she said with no emotion in her voice. Elliot took off his jacket and placed it on the back of the couch and sat down next to Olivia. "I ordered you some take-out."

"Thanks," he said, "Are you tired?" he asked referring to her pajamas.

"Oh," she said noticing that she was still wearing them, "Yeah."

Elliot was starting to worry about her. She hadn't said much all day. Even when he called on his lunch break. She just told him that she was fine and she couldn't wait until he came home. He had a hard time focusing on his job when he knew Olivia was having a hard time herself. He would give anything to make her feel better.

"I have the day off tomorrow," Elliot said after turning on the TV, "If you feel up to it I figured we could stroll through the park. Maybe see a movie?"

"That sounds nice," she said with still no emotion. "I think I'm going to go take a shower." She stood of the couch and walked into the bathroom without saying anything else and without changing her facial expression. Elliot knew this was a sign. George had talked to him and told him to watch Olivia just to make sure she was taking things well. Elliot didn't understand how anyone could take things well given the situation.

The door rang and Elliot got up to answer it. It was the Chinese delivery guy and he handed Elliot his meal in exchange for the money. There was only one meal and Elliot wondered if Olivia had ate. He put his meal in the microwave saving it for a later time. He was feeling tired but he didn't want to go to sleep without Olivia. The last few nights with her in the bed with him made him happy. He felt like he was finally falling in love.

In the shower, Olivia just stood there under the steaming water. She felt dirty. Dirty from the assault and dirty from all her baggage. Then she heard her mother again.

_"You deserved it!"_

_"Please don't do this," Olivia begged. Then she heard the sound of the baton clanking against the metal bars. She saw his flashlight beam in her direction. She felt him hitting her in the gut. She was screaming._

_ "You practically signed yourself up for it…"_

Liv!" Elliot yelled banging on the door, "Olivia! Are you okay? Olivia open the door or I'm busting it down!"

_"No. No! NOO!" Olivia was screaming._

Elliot knew she was flashing back. George had warned him about that too. He stood back and ran into the door busting it open. He saw Olivia sitting in the shower with her knees drawn to her chest. She was crying. He climbed into the shower with his clothes still on and sat behind her pulling her to lean back on him. He cuddled her until her cries softened.

"You're shivering," Elliot said, "Let's get you out." He grabbed her on her arm going to help her up but she flinched.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"It's not your fault," he said. "Come on. The water is freezing."

Olivia got out with the help of Elliot and he wrapped her up in a towel sending her to the bedroom. He turned the water off and stripped his clothes drying himself off and putting a dry pair of boxers on. Olivia was sitting on the edge of the bed when he walked into the room still wrapped in the towel. Still no change in the desperation on her face.

"Liv," he said gently, "I brought some clothes from your house. Here's a clean pair of sleep clothes." He laid the sweat pants and t-shirt down in front of her and left the room to give her some sort of privacy. He was surprised that she had let him comfort her in the shower and he was more surprised that she didn't even seem to care.

Elliot sat down on the couch in the living room and sighed wiping his hand across his face when his phone rang. He hope it wasn't a case.

"Stabler."

"You have a case," Cragen said on the other line.

"Look, Captain," Elliot began, "Olivia is having a really bad day. I don't think leaving her alone is the best thing. Is there any way that Munch or Fin could do it?"

"Sorry," Cragen said, "They are working another case."

"Alright. I'll be there." He hung up the phone and threw it at the wall. He didn't want to leave Olivia but, he knew she would understand. At least he hoped. He walked back into his bedroom and found that Olivia had gotten dressed and was now lying under the covers.

"I got a case," he said, "I have to go but, if you need anything Olivia, anything at all, you call me. I'll answer."

She didn't say anything she just laid there staring at the ceiling. Elliot gave her a subtle kiss on her cheek and then turned to leave. "Be careful."

Elliot smiled at her words, "I will. I'll be back soon."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you guys for taking the time to review. It means so much!**

"What do we got ?" Elliot asked arriving at the crime scene.

"Male, late twenties, early thirties, beaten, stabbed, and left with his pants down," Warner explained as she examined what she could of the body.

Elliot showed the police his badge and they let him on the other side of the police rope and walked over to where Melinda was standing over the body.

"Wait a minute," Elliot said looking at the face of the man, "I know who this is."

"Who?" Melinda questioned.

"Liv's brother," he answered, "That's Simon."

Melinda gave a frown and wrote Simon's name down on the paper she was taking notes on. "I'll let you know more once the autopsy is done."

Elliot was left standing there in the dark of the night alone. He didn't know how he was going to break it to Liv that her brother was now dead. He didn't think she could handle it. No, he knew she couldn't. He took out his cell phone and dialed the captain's number.

"Cragen," he answered.

"We have a situation," Elliot explained running his hand across his face. "The victim is Simon Marsden."

"Damn," Cragen said, "Get home to Liv. I can't have you working this case."

"Cap'n, I can handle it," Elliot argued, "I just don't know how I'm gonna break it to her."

"The results from the autopsy won't be in until tomorrow so go ahead and head home," Cragen demanded.

"Thanks Cap'n. Bye."

Elliot hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket but he still didn't move from his position. Everything around him seemed to be moving in a blur and he was just standing. He wished Olivia had a good life so he could just tell her he loved her but, he knew she couldn't handle it right now. She would push him away. He kicked a small rock that was in front of his path and headed back to his car where he would drive home and crawl in bed with Olivia.

"Back so soon?" Olivia asked when she felt his side of the bed shift position.

"Yeah," he said in a sulky voice, "The autopsy results won't be in until tomorrow."

"Oh," Olivia mumbled.

"Liv," Elliot said lifting the covers over his body, "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" she asked waking up a little more.

"The victim is… Simon," he blurted.

"What?" Olivia cried, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure Liv," Elliot said, "I'm really sorry."

Olivia sat up on the bed an hid her face in her hands. She was crying again for the umpteenth time this week. How could this be happening? Her family was falling right before her eyes. She was one of them.

"Liv," Elliot said rubbing his hand up and down her back, "It's okay. It'll be okay. I promise. I'm here for you Liv."

Olivia was now sobbing hysterically and shaking pretty bad. Elliot wanted to just wrap her up in his arms and never let her go. He didn't know what was stopping him so he just reached out slowly and pulled her into his chest. She didn't resist. He could feel her tears hitting his chest as she cried into the heat of the night.

"It's okay," he kept whispering, "It'll all be okay. Calm down. Just calm down." He would mess with her hair an give her an occasional kiss on the top of her head to keep reminding her that she wasn't alone. That he would always be there.

When he felt her breathing even out and her cries soften he looked down to see if she was asleep. She was, so he gave her one last gentle kiss and closed his eyes himself.

_"Nobody will ever love you. You're not worth it."_

_ Olivia was sitting on the couch listening to her mother talk about how she would never amount to anything in life. Choking to keep the tears quiet so her mom wouldn't notice._

_"You were already hard to love and now you go get a job like this…"_

_ Then suddenly she felt a cold metal against her temple. She was outside and Rojas was standing behind her. She kept focusing on Elliot and trying to calm herself down so Rojas wouldn't see her fear._

_ "Why would I lie to you now?" she asked with a shaky voice. Then BAM. She was on the ground. She could hear Elliot screaming her name and telling someone to call a bus. _

_ "The blood is his," she said rolling over into Elliot's hands._

"Liv," Elliot said shaking her carefully, "Olivia, wake up. You were having a nightmare."

She woke up startled and then she felt Elliot's warm hand on her shoulder/ She didn't know why she was having a nightmare about Rojas. She hadn't had one about him in a good while and she didn't see the significance in them now. She hadn't even thought about him until the dream.

"Rojas?" Elliot questioned.

"It's never going to get easier," she whispered, "I can't do this anymore."

"Shh," he comforted, "I'm sorry this is happening. I really am but, you aren't alone. You have me."

"I'll just screw your life up like I do everybody else's."

"Olivia, that's not true and you know it."

"Nobody has ever truly cared about me," she said through her tears. "Not my father, not my mother, not the cop who came to my house drunk one night and left even though he saw me crying behind the door, not Porter, not anyone."

"Here's the thing Olivia," he said softly, "You didn't say my name. And you can't because it would be a lie. You aren't listening to me when I tell you that I am here for you. I love you."

She laid there quietly not saying anything. Did she hear him right? Did he really just say what she thought he did?

"I love you Olivia Benson," he said again. "I know you can't say it back to me right now and that's okay. I'll wait. I'll wait forever if I have to. Just know that I am here for you. I'm always right here."

Her tears subsided and she laid her head back down on his chest and listened to the beating of his heart for the rest of the night and into the morning


	8. Chapter 8

"If you aren't up for our day out I understand," Elliot said to Olivia as he watched her picking out an outfit.

"I think a day out would be good," she said smiling, "Are YOU still up for it?"

"Of course," he said, "Our cab river will be here in about an hour , okay?"

"I'll be ready," she said before slipping into the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

Once the bathroom door was closed she let her smile fade away. She couldn't keep pretending that nothing was bothering her when clearly it was. Her biological family was being killed right before her eyes. She wasn't close to them, but it still hurt. She sat her belongings on the side of the sink and walked to the tub turning on the water. She felt the temperature of it to see if it was right and then turned the shower on, stepping inside. She couldn't help but think if her mother was okay. She felt like it was her obligation to make sure her mother didn't go out of control. She didn't believe her mother could have killed Melissa but, what if she had? What if she remembered Olivia telling her about Simon and found him just to kill him? Olivia shivered at the thought even though the water was blazing. She thought it felt good against her skin. She grabbed her rag that she brought in with her and grabbed the bar of soap of the side of the tub. Elliot's soap. She lathered a good layer onto the rag and started scrubbing her body. She scrubbed every square inch making sure she didn't miss a spot. She still felt dirty. She felt like Lowell was still there in her face. She began subconsciously scrubbing harder. The skin on her arm was starting to turn red and raw. It was a few minutes before she realized what she was doing.

"What the hell are you thinking Olivia?" she thought, "You can't keep doing this to yourself. You are somebody and somebody does care. Elliot cares so, don't screw it up." She sighed and stepped farther into the water letting it splash down on her. She rinsed the shampoo out of her and stepped out remembering she only had a short amount of time before the cab driver would be there.

Once she was dressed and her hair was dried she was ready to go. She grabbed her purse and followed Elliot outside where the Cabbie was waiting.

"It's a nice day for a walk," Olivia said forcing the smile back on her face.

"It is," Elliot agreed.

It was a nice day outside in Manhattan for being winter. It wasn't too cold but there was still a chill in the air. The sun was shining just bright enough to wear it didn't blind you and it seemed pretty quiet for being New York.

"I don't really come here unless we get a case here," Olivia said making conversation.

"Me either," Elliot said, "It is a nice park though. Went we aren't chasing perps."

"Yeah," Olivia said. She wanted to ask Elliot his opinion on her mother. She needed to know if he thought she was a murderer but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She kept thinking that he would get mad and kick her out and then where else would she go?

"What are you thinking about?" Elliot asked once he saw that Olivia almost ran into someone.

"Oh, nothing," she said a little too quickly.

"You're a bad liar," he said offering her a small smile.

She sighed, "I just… do you think my mother is the one doing this?"

"Killing people?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah."

Elliot shook his head, "I don't know. I gave the case to Munch and Fin."

"You think she is don't you?" Olivia asked sadly.

"I never said that," Elliot defended, "The only time I met your mother was that one night when she said those awful things to you. What do you think my impression is? I don't like her for what she put you through and how she treats you."

Olivia turned her eyes away from him and they started walking again on the path that led through the park. "Do you think we could stop by there today? My house?"

"Is that what you want?"

She nodded, "I just need to see if she's okay."

"Sure, we can go before lunch." Elliot smiled at how caring Olivia was towards other people. She had her own emotional demons threatening to tear her up and all she was worried about was if her mother was okay.

They finished walking through the park and a few more conversations about little things like movies they liked and things they wanted to do before they died. They found out they had one in common, to fall in love. It was eleven o'clock when they finished and as Elliot said he would he got a cab they went to Olivia's house to check on her mom. He braced his self for the visit. He told himself to stay rational but he promised himself if he saw Serena lay another hand on Olivia he was going to arrest her for assaulting a cop. He didn't care whose mom it was.

When the cab pulled up in front of the house, Elliot saw that Olivia was starting to tense up. He saw her take a breath and close her eyes before letting it out. "Come on," he said grabbing her hand.

Olivia knocked on the door first as if it wasn't even her house and had a shocked expression on her face when her mother said, "Come in."

She opened the door and saw her mother sitting on the couch knitting. She walked in and sat down next to her with Elliot staying close to the door.

"Mom?" Olivia asked, "What are you doing?"

"Knitting you a scarf," she answered with a smile on her face, "It's getting cold outside."

Serena was sober. Last time Elliot had saw her she was wearing gray pants that had stains on them and a white t-shirt with enough holes in it be mistaken for a sponge. Her had had been a tousled mess and her eyes were blood shot. Now looking at her, she had cleaned up. Her hair was brushed and in a neat up-do and she had on what looked like a vintage pink pant suit. Her eyes were clear and they sparkled brown just like Olivia's. Olivia turned to look at Elliot as if she didn't know what to say or do. She wasn't expecting her mom to be sober.

"Rehab," Elliot mouthed to Olivia.

She sighed and wiped her eye before speaking, "Mom, do you know where I have been the past few days?"

"Yes."

"Do you know why?" Olivia asked pushing the conversation.

"No," Serena answered honestly, "Why?"

"You kicked me out," Olivia said, "After you slapped me across the face."  
"I would never do such a terrible thing!" Serena said in her defense.

"Mom," Olivia said keeping her voice level, "You did. You were drunk."

Serena didn't say anything she just kept her focus on her knitting. "You need to go to rehab."

"That's ludicrous," Serena said still not looking at Olivia, "I'm not a drunk."

"Please," Olivia begged, "I need you to get better."

This was the first time that Olivia had said it out loud. The first time she actually declared that she needed her mother and Elliot was there to hear it all. Now he started to understand why Olivia didn't leave sooner and why she cared so much.

"I need a drink," Serena said sitting her knitting tools down on the coffee table.

"Mom, please!" Olivia begged. She could feel the lump in her throat rise and tears starting to form. "Put down the bottle!"

"Leave me alone!" Serena yelled taking a big drink of the whiskey in her hand. She pushed Olivia away from her and Olivia fell back to the floor letting her tears flow freely.

Elliot saw what happened and stepped into the kitchen helping Olivia up off the floor. "Ma'am," Elliot said referring to Serena, "I'm going to have to arrest you for assaulting a police officer." he walked behind her and took the bottle out of her hands sitting on the counter and placing her in cuffs.

"Elliot," Olivia spat, "What are you doing?"

"Helping you," he said with his voice still calm, "If she's behind bars at the precinct she can't drink."

"Elliot…" Olivia said again.

"Do you realize what she just did?" Elliot asked, "She just pushed you. Your own mom. After you begged her to just listen to you. Just this once. I'm not just going to stand here and watch."

She sighed and wipe her tear-stained cheeks, "Okay."

"Go against me just like you always do!" Serena yelled trying to wiggle out of the cuffs. "You're a pathetic excuse for a human being!"

"Shut the hell up!" Elliot yelled at her 'accidentally' hurting her wrists with the cuffs.

"Don't tell me what to do!" she argued, "You're not my boss."

"You have the right to remain silent," Elliot recited as he carried her outside and waited for someone to take them back to the precinct.


	9. Chapter 9

**I can't express how much your reviews mean to me. They really make a person happy! (This chapter isn't for easy criers.)**

"What do we do now?" Elliot asked Cragen who was sitting at his desk with his hand propping up his chin.

"We take her to trial," Cragen answered, "They will give her court ordered rehab and then she will have to go. We will get Alex to fend for her."

"I don't know how much more she can take," Elliot whispered. He took a look through the open blinds of Cragen's office at his partner. She was sitting at her desk with her face buried in her hands. He figured she was crying. Or just thinking. If you didn't know her and you just happen to look at her on the streets, you would think she's tough. You would see her as the detective she is. But if you really looked, you'd see that inside, she was a wreck. She was someone who was fighting a war and close to losing. She would never give up though and Elliot knew it. With him by her side he prayed that she would let him take care of her. That she would let him love her.

"She's tough," Cragen said.

"I saw her with her mom today," Elliot stated, "Sober. Her mom was being relatively nice at first. She told Liv that she was knitting her a sweater because it was cold outside." He sighed and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "Then her mother got angry and went to get a drink. Olivia begged… begged her not to do it. To just listen to her this one time. Then she pushed her."

"She pushed her?"

"The look in Olivia's eyes… it was so sad. It was like a lost puppy trying to find it's way home."

"Elliot," Cragen said in a caring voice, "Look what you're doing to yourself."

"Excuse me?"

"You're upset," Cragen said, "I understand that. What you are doing for Olivia is the best thing anyone could. You're loving her. You're helping her. You listen to her problems and she thanks you for that. She just can't say it yet."

"I know that," Elliot spat, "I know her better than you do. She's my partner. Remember?"

"Yes," Cragen said keeping his voice calm, "Your partner. Who doesn't give up on a case. Who keeps fighting until justice is served."

Elliot turned his head to the side and focused on the clock that was ticking on the wall. Cragen was right, she never gave up until justice was served. So, why was he so worried about her?

"Yeah," Elliot said, "I got to go. I'm taking Liv to lunch."

"I'll let you know when we get something."  
"You ready Liv?" Elliot asked as he stood next to her desk. She still had her face buried in her hands. When she didn't answer, he asked again. "You ready to go eat?"

She moved her hands away from her face and stared him in the eyes. She stood up and Elliot thought she was going to walk out with him but, he surprised her. She started knocking things off of her desk and throwing them to the ground. Her pictures shattered and papers went flying in the air. "I can't take it anymore!" she yelled, "I can't! I can't! I'm worthless!"

"Olivia!" Elliot yelled trying to get her attention, "Olivia, listen to me! That's not true!"

She stopped throwing things off her desk and fell to the floor on her knees. "Why me?" she asked with tears pouring down her cheeks like a bad storm. Her eyes were red and her face showed the raw pain she was feeling inside.

"Olivia," he said once she had quieted, "That's not true. You aren't worthless. Think of how many victims you have helped. You weren't worthless to them. You weren't worthless when they had to endure the pain of having a rape kit. You stood by their side the whole time." He walked over to her and sat down next to her rubbing her back. She was still sobbing and everyone in the precinct was staring.

"You weren't worthless when we were chasing those son of bitch rapists through parks and down alley ways," he continued to say. "You weren't worthless when you held their hands when they were sitting in the courtroom waiting to hear the destiny of their attacker. You aren't worthless to me."

"Oh Elliot," she cried into his shoulder, "I'm an idiot."

"No," he said, "No you aren't. Please stop talking like that. I hate seeing you like this Liv. It's breaking my heart. I'm here for you. So let me be here. Let me help. We can put your mom on trial and the court will give her mandatory rehab. She will have to take it and Cragen has already talked to Alex about making sure she gets the right amount of time there."

Olivia sniffed and wiped a few tears from her eyes. She didn't want to move her face from Elliot's shoulder because then she would have to face all of the people staring at her. They probably thought she was a basket case. She sighed and pulled her head away just a little bit from Elliot's embrace to look at him. "Can we have lunch now?"

"Yes," he smiled, "We can go wherever you want."

She gave a sad smile and wipe the rest of the tears from her eyes. They stood up together and Elliot held on to her hand. He had tear drops soaked into his shirt but he didn't mind. He was just glad Olivia had stopped crying. Cragen nodded to Elliot letting him know that he would clean the mess up that Olivia made so they could leave.

"Do you want to tell me what happened in there?" Elliot asked once they had ordered their lunch.

"No," Olivia answered honestly, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Can we talk about it tonight?" he asked.

She sighed taking a sip of her Cola, "Yes," she said, "I'll try."  
Elliot gave her a smile. This was the Olivia he knew. The Olivia who didn't let anybody boss her around or stand in her way. The Olivia that was finally opening up to him.

"How's that salad?" he asked when he saw that she was picking out some of the pieces.

"I hate tangerines," she said making a yucky face.

Elliot laughed sticking a french fry into his mouth, "Should've got the burger and fries."

"I didn't want a burger and fries," she said playfully, "I wanted a salad."

"I've never known Olivia Benson to eat leaves before," he teased.

"You have only seen me eat take-out," she laughed, "I like vegetables."  
"You like leaves?"

"It's not a leaf Stabler," she said taking another bite, "It's lettuce. A vegetable. Ever heard of them?"

"Sure," he smiled, "Doesn't mean I like to eat them. I like to keep the trees in the ground."

She laughed and threw a piece of lettuce at him which landed in his coke. "Hey!" he said, "Now you ruined my drink."

"It's just a leaf," she said smiling, "It won't kill ya."

Elliot was happy that Olivia was laughing and carrying on like she was better, but he didn't know if this was the calm before the storm. They still had to figure out who was killing her family and they still had to attend the funerals. Olivia had asked Elliot to go with her and he gladly accepted. He knew there was more times to come where she would break down and cry, but he had some hope that at least it was with him and not alone by herself, in a bedroom in a house with her abusive mother


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm grateful you guys are loving it! Amanda4Meloni- She has one more special relative!**

It was Friday morning and Simon's funeral was scheduled for that day. Elliot had made sure that Olivia was feeling up to it and still wanted to go and she assured him she did. "It's my brother," she said, "I'm going."  
Olivia had on a pair of her black work pants and a nice black blouse to wear to the funeral and Elliot had on a black tux with a small bag of tissues hidden in the inside pocket for Olivia.

"You ready?" he asked.

She nodded her head and they walked their way to the nearest cemetery. There was a small crowed gathered around but nobody that Olivia recognized. She figured she would stay her distance so people wouldn't ask questions. She held Elliot's hand as they stood behind the group of people while someone spoke. A couple people said a few nice things about him and then they all talked to his coffin. When everyone started heading back to their car Olivia walked up to the coffin herself. She made Elliot stand back.

"Oh Simon," she sighed, "I'm sorry I didn't work harder at getting to know you. I will find whoever did this to you, don't worry. I love you Simon." She got choked up on the last part and turned to walk away, leaving the coffin to be put in the ground.

She ran into Elliot's arms and started sobbing. How could someone kill Simon? An innocent man who just wanted a happy life.

"It's okay," Elliot comforted rubbing her back.

"Let's go home," she said after her tears subsided.

It started to rain that day just like it would on any cheesy movie where someone dies. Olivia thought it matched the mood she was feeling and all she wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep. Her and Elliot were sitting on the couch watching TV when the lights started flickering.

"Great," Elliot scoffed, "I'll get some candles." He found a couple of small candles in one of his closets and sat them on the coffee table in case they needed to use them.

"Now what do we do?" Elliot asked once the power had gone out for good.

"I think I'm going to take a bath," Olivia stated.

"We don't have power," Elliot said.

"I like the dark," she said getting up off the couch.

"At least take a candle," he said handing her one of the blue ones.

She took the candle and carried it to the bathroom sitting it on the sink so it could light the room. She started the bath and then climbed in letting the water rest on her body. She stared at the wall and watch the shadow from the flame of the candle flicker.

"What if my mother isn't the one who killed them?" she thought to herself, "What if somebody is trying to set her up? What if somebody wants revenge on me and this is the only way they know how? What if I kill myself before they beat me to it?" She sighed and forced the thoughts to leave her mind but they kept coming back.

"Nobody would care," Olivia told herself, "Except Elliot. I can't do that to him."

"Liv?" Elliot asked tapping on the door lightly, "Can't do what to me?"

She flinched a little and cleared her throat before speaking, "I guess I was thinking out loud again huh?"

"Yeah," Elliot answered, "Can't do what to me?"

"Kill myself," she said just loud enough where he could hear her.

"You're having suicidal thoughts?" he asked starting to panic.

"I try not to," she said honestly, "They just make their way into my head."  
"Have you told Huang?"

"No," she said, "He doesn't need to know."

"Liv," Elliot said keeping his voice sincere, "He does need to know. You're having thoughts now but what happens if it becomes more than that?"

She sighed. She knew he was right she just didn't want to admit it. She thought she could handle things by herself. "I thought I could handle it by myself," she said sadly.

"I know Liv," Elliot said, "But you can't. Not right now. You need someone to help you, please let us help."

"Okay."

"Can you come out now?"

"I'll be out in a second," she answered.

She stood up and let the water drain out of the tub. She watched it swirl down the drain, just like her life. She dried off and slipped into some comfortable clothes and walked back into the living room where the power was still out.

"Come here," Elliot said motioning for her to sit next to him. She walked over and sat down leaving no space between them and letting Elliot play with her hair. They ended up falling asleep on the couch together as they watched the storm through the window for quite some time.

Elliot awoke a while later to his cell phone ringing. He answered it quickly hoping that it didn't wake Olivia up. She needed all the sleep she could get.

"Stabler," he said.

"Hey we have the results back from both autopsies," Cragen said, "I think you should come down here."

"I'm on my way."

Elliot carefully moved Olivia's head off of him and replaced his body with a pillow. He was hesitant about leaving her alone in case she woke up but he figured he would be back before that happened.

_"I'll get you Benson, I'll get you and your whole family." She heard the voice of Lowell Harris but she couldn't see anyone's face._

_ "Help me…" It was her mother. She was sitting alone in a room crying. "I don't want to die."_

_ "You should have trained your daughter better than," Lowell said walking into the room._

Olivia practically jumped off the couch as she jolted forward from having another nightmare. She turned to see if Elliot was there but he wasn't. "Elliot?" she called. No answer. "Elliot, please answer me." Still no answer.

"He's got you too," Olivia cried hysterically. She started pounding her fists into the couch and letting her cries out loud enough everyone surrounding the building could hear. "Why are you doing this to me? Elliot! Elliot! ELLIOT! Please, please… please!" She stopped shouting when she knew nobody was going to answer. She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them letting her tears fall silently.


	11. Chapter 11

"Is it good news?" Elliot asked walking into Cragen's office.

"Maybe to Liv," Cragen said sighing and sitting down in his chair. "The killer isn't her mother."

"How do you know that?" Elliot questioned.

"She has a solid alibi around the time Simon was killed," Cragen continued to say, "The owner of the bar. He said she stayed for two hours drinking it up and he had to take away her car keys. He called her a cab around three in the morning and told the cab driver to take her straight home. "

"So, now we are back to where we started?" Elliot asked.

"No," Cragen answered. "Melinda said that each of them were found with a bead in their hand. A white pearl bead."

"That doesn't really help me out," Elliot said getting a little angry. He wanted to find the bastard who was doing this to Olivia just as much as Olivia did, if not more.

"You need to ask Olivia if it means anything to her," Cragen said.

There was the bad news. He tried getting Olivia to talk to him but she always closed up. She was like a book and when you get to the scary part you wait until the morning time to finish it. Except now, there was no light for Olivia. She couldn't see it.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Elliot said, "Liv is… having thoughts."

"Thoughts?"

"About suicide," Elliot said quietly.

Cragen sighed and leaned back in his chair, "She hasn't talked to Huang?"

"I can barely get her out of the house," Elliot answered, "Let alone to see a shrink."

"I'll get him to come to your house," Cragen said, "I'll keep you posted on the case."  
"Thanks Cap'n, I'm going to get home to Olivia."

"Don't forget to ask about the beads."

Elliot nodded and headed out the door. When he was outside in the cold air he wanted to punch something so he walked to the nearest sign and punched it with all the force he had. He hated that Olivia was in so much pain and he hated that he was about to make it worst.

Back at his apartment Olivia was still sitting on the couch with her knees drawn to her chest and crying. "Why are you doing this to me?… Please… I need Elliot." She was sobbing so loud she didn't hear when the door opened and Elliot walked in.

"Liv?" he asked rushing to her side, "Olivia, what happened? What's wrong?"

She looked up and threw her arms around him sobbing into his shoulder. "I thought you were dead! I thought he took you too!"

"Liv," he said with his own tears welling up in his eyes, "I'm not going anywhere."

"You left," she stated, "I had a dream and then I woke up and… and you weren't here."

"I know," he whispered with his arms wrapped around her, "I'm so sorry. I won't leave again."

"I think I know who's doing this," she said.

"Who honey?"

"Harris."

Harris. He knew that Harris was in jail but, that didn't mean he couldn't have escaped. It's happened before but, Elliot thought it was highly unlikely. "Liv, does a white pearl necklace mean anything to you? Or maybe a bracelet?"

Olivia pulled out of his embrace and looked up at him, "You mean like this one?" she pulled a bracelet out of her pocket that matched the one in the picture Cragen had showed him.

"Where did you get that?" he asked hoping she wasn't the one killing people.

"When I was 12 my grandma gave it to me," Olivia explained, "She had one just like it and she told me it would always keep me safe."

"Is your grandma still alive?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah," Olivia answered, "But she has Alzheimer's and I was banned from seeing her at the nursing home."

"Why?"  
"My mother," Olivia answered sadly.

"We need to give your grandma a visit," Elliot said, "They can't keep you out if you're with the NYPD.

"El," Olivia said grabbing his hand, "What's this about? She has Alzheimer's. She isn't going to be able to tell us anything."

"Sometimes people with Alzheimer's remember things in the past as if they were the present," Elliot stated matter-of-factly.

"You think she's a killer?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"Not at all," Elliot quickly said, "But maybe, someone went to see her and told her some things that could help us. Do you know of anybody else that she gave the bracelet to?"

"No," Olivia answered, "Only me and her had one."

"Do you feel up to it?"

She sighed and stared distantly at the wall in front of her, "No," she said honestly, "But I will. I can't keep living like this. This isn't me. I'm suppose to be Badass Benson. This… this is wimpy Benson."

"I'm glad you want to be Badass Benson," Elliot smiled, "But you also can't do it alone. If you talk to George, he can help."

"I know," Olivia said tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Well," Elliot said turning his face so he wasn't looking at her, "He's kind of going to come over tonight."

"Well then," Olivia sighed, "I guess I will talk to him tonight."

Elliot turned his head back toward Olivia and pulled her into his chest giving her a gentle hug. Then he kissed her cheek and told her to grab her badge because they were headed toward the nursing home.


	12. Chapter 12

"We are here to see Patricia Benson," Elliot said the woman at the reception desk as he flashed his badge.

"Right this way," the woman said as she showed them to a room with a small old lady watching TV.

"Here you go," she said before she walked away.

"You ready?" Elliot asked Olivia.

She nodded her head and together they stepped into the room. "Hi, Ms. Benson."

Patricia turned her head to the side and looked straight passed Elliot and over at Olivia. "Livvy-Love?"

"Yeah Grandma," Olivia said with tears sparkling in her eyes, "It's me."  
"You've gotten so tall."

"Yeah Grandma," Olivia said, "Do you mind if my partner asks you some questions?"

"Sure," Patricia replied. Olivia sat down on the small couch next to where her grandma was sitting in her wheel chair and held her hand.

"Okay, Ms. Benson," Elliot said, "Do you have a bracelet like this?" He flashed her the bracelet that he had gotten from Olivia.

"Yes," Patricia replied, "I gave it to a man."  
Elliot could see that Olivia seemed a bit uncomfortable at the mention of it. "Do you remember the man's name?"

"No," Patricia said shaking her head, "I'm sorry."  
"It's okay Ms. Benson," Elliot comforted, "Do you remember what he looked like?"

"Yes," Patricia answered, "He had on a badge. He said that he needed the bracelet for an investigation."  
"Do you remember anything else?" Elliot asked.

"Who are you?" Patricia asked looking at Elliot.

Elliot just stood there unsure of what to say. It wasn't every day he worked with Alzheimer's patients.

"Livvy-Love?" Patricia asked turning to Olivia.

"Yeah Grandma," Olivia said with sad eyes, "It's me."  
"You have gotten so tall."  
"I know Grandma," Olivia said patting her gently on the hand, "I know."

"Livvyy-Love?" Elliot asked Olivia once they were in the car.

"She always used to call me that," Olivia said with a smile forming on her face, "It was her special name for me."

"My grandma had a special name for me," Elliot said starting the car, "Annoying brat."

Olivia laughed, "Cute."

"So, all we know is whoever doing this is a man with a badge."

"Harris," Olivia said cringing as the words came out of her mouth.

Elliot sighed, "You don't know it's him."

"You don't know it's not."

"Touche."

"So what now?" Olivia asked.

"Now, we call Attica and make sure Harris is locked away tight in his jail cell," Elliot answered. "First, what do you say we stop and get something to eat?"

"Can't," Olivia replied, "Huang is waiting at the house. I feel like I can talk to him right now and I don't know if I will think that later so, the sooner the better."

"That's fine," Elliot said, "I'll make us some grilled cheese sandwiches while you talk to him."

Once they were back at Elliot's apartment they went inside and Elliot went straight to the kitchen so Olivia and George could talk in private.

"So Olivia," Huang started, "How do you feel?"

"Tired," she answered honestly. She was playing with the coke tab of the Cola she was drinking and as a psychiatrist, Huang knew there was something bothering her.

"Why?"

"I just can't seem to catch a break," she said still fumbling with the coke tab, "Everything just seems to be happening so fast and I can't seem to catch my breath."  
"Besides tired," Huang said as he wrote some notes in his notepad, "How else do you feel?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment and Huang knew she was really thinking because she stopped playing with the tab and started staring off into space. "Liv?"

"I feel… alone."

"Why do you feel alone?"

"My family is… gone. Murdered. Wasted."

Huang was going to say something but he was quiet to see if Olivia had anything else to say. "Sometimes I get these thoughts… that if I was… gone, it would be easier."

"Who would it be easier for?"  
"Me."

"How?"

"I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. My mom wouldn't have to deal with me anymore and whoever is killing my family for revenge can stop because I'm already dead." She was staring at the floor making sure she didn't look Huang in the eyes because she was ashamed of her tears. "I just feel like giving up."

"Olivia," Huang said sitting aside his notepad, "What do you think about being put in therapy?"

"Therapy?" Olivia asked looking up at him.

"What do you think about it?"

"I think it doesn't work."

"What if you tried?"

"No," Olivia said standing up, "I'm sorry. I can't talk anymore today. Maybe you should leave."

George knew that Olivia would most likely need a break and he accepted that so he gathered his things and let himself out. Elliot came out of the kitchen when he heard the living room door close and he saw Olivia sitting on the couch with a blank look in her eyes.

"Want to tell me what you're thinking?"

"No."

"Are you hungry?" he asked showing her the plate of grilled cheese.

"No," she said with no emotion in her voice.

"What do you want?" he asked fearing for the answer.

"I want to die."


	13. Chapter 13

"Olivia," Elliot said, his voice covered by the sound of tears, "You don't mean that."

"I wish I didn't…"

"Why do you want to d-die?" Elliot sat the plate of grilled cheese he was holding on the coffee table and turned so he was facing Olivia. He grabbed her hand in his and held onto it tight.

Olivia let her tears fall, "I just can't live anymore. Everyday something else goes wrong. I've been waiting for something to bring me back but, nothing."

Elliot wanted to tell her that she never had to cry again if she would just listen to him and let him heal her. He would give anything to trade places with her. "I can't lose you Liv…"

Olivia looked up from the floor and into Elliot's eyes while her tears fell silently, "If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have made it this far."

"So let me help you make it the rest of the way," he said using his thumbs to wipe her tears, "I'm here for you."

Olivia let out a sob, "You shouldn't have to worry about me."

"I want too," Elliot said gently squeezing her hand, "Please."

Olivia sighed and let go of Elliot's hand, "I just don't see the point anymore."

Olivia got up off the couch and walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her. She was feeling overwhelmed and she just needed a few seconds to clear her head. She leaned her back against the white walls and sunk to floor. She buried her head in her hands and brought her knees to her chest.

"Liv?" Elliot asked tapping on the door.

"You deserve someone better," Olivia said through her tears, "Don't you get that? Can't you see that I am ruined?"

"That isn't true Olivia."

"Yes it is!" she cried, "You shouldn't have to love someone like me. I don't even know what love is…"

"Olivia, it isn't. Love comes naturally."

"I just can't…" Olivia cried, "I can't. I don't want to do it anymore. I want it to be over! Why can't it be over?" Olivia violently stood up off the floor and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't like who she saw. She didn't see herself. She didn't like what she saw and she wanted that person to go away. With out a second thought she punched the mirror right where her face was.

"Olivia!" Elliot pushed the door open once again and looked at the mess Olivia was. She was crying uncontrollably and there was glass all over the floor. He saw her arm and saw that it was bleeding.

"Come on," he said wrapping her wrist up with a towel, "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No!" she fought, "I want to die! Why can't you see that I'm hurting?"

"Oh Liv," Elliot said. His own tears were now streaming slowly down his face, "I do see it. That's why I'm taking you to the hospital. I care way too much to let you do this to yourself. Now come on, I'm taking you to the hospital."

Elliot held the towel around Olivia's wrist as he applied pressure and guided her to his car parked just outside. He drove as fast as he could to the emergency room and they were immediately taken back.

"What happened?" Dr. Matthew asked. He was the only doctor that was working so late.

Olivia was too ashamed to speak so Elliot did all the talking. "She punched a mirror."

Dr. Matthew nodded his head as he examined the cut on her arm, "Well, it doesn't look to serious. It doesn't need stitches, so I'm going to have a nurse bandage it up for you, okay?"

Olivia didn't acknowledge that the doctor had said anything. She just sat there staring at her own bloody wrist. Elliot didn't say anything to her until after the nurse had bandaged up her wrist with gauze.

"Do you mind if I ask how this happened?" the female nurse asked.

"Liv," Elliot said holding her non-injured hand, "I think you should tell her what happened."

Olivia sat quietly for a few moments and then answered, "I punched a mirror."

"Ma'am you realize that we are going to have to put you on a twenty-four hour psych hold?"

"Whatever," Olivia said.

"Liv…"

"Can I talk to you outside?"

Elliot followed the nurse, Lisa, outside into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

"Do you know the whole story?"

Elliot sighed and crossed his arms, "She's been having a really rough few weeks. A lot has been going on and tonight… she said she wanted to die. She went into the bathroom and I went to check on her and next thing I know she punched the mirror."

Lisa nodded, "I'll have a nurse from psych come down and explain things to her. Meanwhile, she should rest. She looks like she hasn't slept in days."

Before Elliot went back into the room he looked through the window. There was Olivia, lying there in a hospital bed with her wrist bandaged and tear stained cheeks. There was the woman he had fallen so madly in love with except she was deterioration right in front of his eyes. He knew he had to do something to help her and fast. Who ran through his head again about what her grandmother had said and then it dawned on him. "Oh no."


	14. Chapter 14

"Liv," Elliot said waking her up, "I need to know if you ever found your badge."  
"No," Olivia said in a groggy voice, "Cragen gave me a new one."

"Son of a bitch."

"El, what's going on?"

"He's using your badge," Elliot answered scratching his temple, 'I'm going to go back to the nursing home and see if he showed the badge to the receptionist. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Olivia said sadly, "Just promise me you will find out who's doing this."

"I promise," he said leaning over her and planting a kiss on her cheek, "Get some rest. I'll fill you in when I get back."  
Olivia closed her eyes and fell back asleep before the doctors came to transfer her to the psych ward. She hoped to sleep the whole time she had to be there. Elliot on the other hand was making a mad dash to the nursing home so he could get the badge number and find out who was doing this once and for all.

"Hi," Elliot said when he reached the receptionist at the nursing home, "I'm Detective Stabler and I am investigation a string of homicides. Can you tell me if anybody has visited Patricia Benson in the past month?"

"Just a second," the older lady said. She got up to grab a binder full of papers and she flipped to Patricia. "It says here that some cop visited her on the 23rd."

"Did he write a badge number?"

"Yes," the woman answered, "4105."

Elliot shook his head, "Do you remember what the man looked like?"

"I'm sorry," the woman said, "I wasn't working that shift, but we do have cameras that should be able to tell you. Would that help?"

"Yes," Elliot said felling a bit relieved, "Thank you."

_"You can't stay there Liv. He will get in."_

_"Simon?"_

_ "Listen to me, you can't stay there. He is on his way. Get out of there!"_

_ "Listen to him Olivia," Serena said, "I didn't do it. You have to believe me, I would never do that. I know I have done bad things before, but I would never kill anybody. You have to leave that hospital."_

Olivia jolted upright with her eyes searching around the room. They were right, she couldn't stay there. After all, the man who was doing this was targeting her. What if they found her? The nurses would let him in, especially if he had a badge.

"I have to call Elliot," she said out loud. She turned to her left where there was a phone sitting on a table and she picked it up and dialed Elliot's number. She waited and waited for him to pick up but, he didn't.

"Stop," Elliot said to the man who was working the security booth, "Right there. That's him."

"Do you know him?"

"Yeah," Elliot said, "And he's about to get to know me."  
Back at the hospital, Olivia was ripping the IV out of her arm preparing herself to leave. She changed out of the hospital gown and back into her regular clothes, hoping that nobody would notice. She peeked out of her window and saw that there weren't any nurses at the station. She opened the door and quickly walked over to the elevator.

"Olivia?"

Shoot, she had been caught. She turned around to face Lisa, who was carrying a chart in her hands. "I have to get out of here," Olivia said, "He's going to find me. He's going to kill me."  
"Olivia," Lisa said sitting the chart down on a counter top, "This is the safest place for you to be."

"No. No it isn't!" Olivia cried, "I have to go!

The elevator doors popped open and Olivia walked inside but Lisa pulled her out, "Olivia, I can't let you leave."

"Please!" Olivia begged with her tears pouring out of her eyes, "I can't let him win!"

"Who?"

"Whoever is doing this to me!"

"Olivia, calm down," Lisa said in a calm voice, "You have to calm down or I will have to sedate you."

Olivia dropped to the floor with her head in her hands, "Get me out of here!" She was kicking and screaming and basically throwing a tantrum in the middle of everyone.

"I need Anxiolytic over here!" Lisa yelled to one of the surrounding nurses.

"Got it," the nurse said rushing to bring her the injection.

"No, please!" Olivia begged, "Please don't. I can't stay here! You have to listen to me." She fought and kicked harder because there was no way she was going to let them inject her with any kind of medicine. She had to be awake in case the killer showed up.

"It's for your own good," Lisa said stabbing the needle into Olivia's arm. She was out instantly.

Lisa breathed a sigh of relief once Olivia had stopped fighting, "What happened?"

"She thinks somebody is going to find her here and kill her," Lisa answered the other nurse, "She freaked out."

"I'll help you get her back to bed."

The two nurses worked together to carry Olivia back into her room and make sure she was lying in bed safely. Lisa stayed and hooked her IV back up and sat in the chair next to the bed so she could keep a close eye on her.

"Captain," Elliot said into his cell phone as he walked out of the doors of the nursing home, "Rojas. He's out of jail and he has Olivia's badge. He got into the nursing home where Olivia's grandmother is and asked to see her bracelet. He kept it, Olivia has a matching one. We need to find him before he finds Olivia."

"I'm on it," Cragen said as he hung up the phone.

Elliot sat in the driver's seat a few minutes before he started the car. He just needed a few seconds to clear his mind so he could get back to Olivia. He didn't know how she was going to take this. If they couldn't find Rojas, she would be scared and he knew she wouldn't admit that. He put the keys in the ignition and took off.

Back at Mercy, the sedative was starting to ware off and Olivia was starting to come to. "What happened?"

"You got panicked," Lisa answered as she walked in view sight of Olivia, "I had to sedate you."

Olivia didn't say anything. She just darted her eyes toward the door. "You can't let anybody in here besides Elliot."

"Okay," Lisa said, "Nobody but Elliot. I will make sure that nobody harms you."  
Olivia nodded her head and then closed her eyes again, falling back asleep. Lisa took a deep breath and then left the room to alert the nurses at the nurse's station.

"I wonder what her story is," one of the nurses, Jamie, said.

"She's a detective," Lisa stated, "Manhattan Special Victim's Unit."

"That must be rough," Jamie said signing her signature on some paperwork.

"Yeah," Lisa said tucking a piece of her long blonde hair behind her ear, "Listen, nobody goes into that room except Elliot Stabler. Got it?"

"Who's he?" Jamie asked.

"He's her partner. You will know him when you see him."

"Okay," Jamie said.

Lisa wished she could sit in Olivia's room all night with her but, she had to finish doing rounds on her other patient's first. She hoped Elliot would be back soon so Olivia wouldn't wake up alone. Lisa had only met Olivia one other time and that was when Lisa was performing a rape kit on a victim. She thought Olivia was so kind and gentle with the victim that it made her realize something about herself, she liked helping people. Olivia was one of the reasons she finished her internship and Olivia didn't even know it.

While Olivia was sleeping, and Lisa was finishing her rounds, the other nurses were laughing and telling jokes about a show they all liked on TV. None of them were paying attention to the people that walked through those elevator doors.


	15. Chapter 15

Cragen had called Elliot back as soon as he got Rojas' location. Cragen told Elliot that he made a call and it showed he was just outside Mercy Hospital. Elliot pressed down on the gas petal so he could get to Mercy before Rojas went in. Elliot didn't even bother taking the keys out of the car, he just pulled up and ran inside. He ran straight to Olivia's room.

"Where the hell is Olivia Benson?" Elliot spat toward the nurse's station.

Lisa heard the question and came walking out of a room to answer him, "She's in her room."

"No, she isn't!"

Lisa walked over to Olivia's room and opened the door. Elliot was right, she wasn't there. "Okay, she had a bit of an anxiety attack earlier and I had to sedate her. She kept saying the other guy couldn't win. She tried to leave, maybe she got out."

Elliot sighed. He felt like punching one of those idiot nurses in the face, but instead he ran down the stairs, too impatient to take the elevator and ran outside.

"Liv!" he yelled, "Olivia!"

His eyes roamed the parking lot in search for her but the only thing in sight was cars. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Cragen's number.

"Captain, Olivia's missing."

"What?"

"She's gone! Missing! I think Rojas got her."  
"Okay," Cragen said, "Calm down. I need to know that you can handle what I'm about to tell you."

"What is it?" Elliot asked fearing for the worst.

"Rojas isn't working alone. It turns out, him and Harris know each other. That's how Harris got all the drugs to supply to the inmates. We think Harris is the one who is after Olivia and he's having Rojas keep us sidetracked by killing her family."

"We have a BOLO on Rojas' and Harris's car," Cragen explained, "As soon as we get some information I will let you know."  
"I can't just sit back and wait," Elliot said feeling the tears in his throat, "The woman I love, the woman I'm trying to save, is missing. Do you know how scared she probably is right now?"

"I know," Cragen said sadly, "But there isn't anything else we can do until we get their whereabouts."

"Watch me."

"Who's the bitch now?" Lowell asked as he threw Olivia down on the concrete floor.

Olivia was breathing heavily and she had tears streaming down her face that were blocking her vision. She was sure that he had already broken one of her ribs because the pain was so bad.

"You didn't figure it out fast enough," Lowell laughed, "Some detective you are."

Olivia didn't say anything. She just sat there with her hands tied behind her back and her mouth taped shut. She was shaking.

"I'm going to get what I came for," Lowell said in an eerie voice, "And you're going to give it to me."

The only thing Olivia could think about was the previous attack. The baton clanking against the metal bars. The flashlight shining her direction and him hitting her in the gut. She started crying harder as she watched Lowell unbutton his pants. She was screaming through the tape and trying to move away when he hit her. He kicked her in the side and she screamed in pain.

"Shut the hell up," he said calmly. Then he kicked her again, this time he kicked her in the eye. She didn't think she had ever felt so much pain before. "Lay still," he demanded as he moved her body so she was laying flat on her back.

She couldn't move on her own anymore, it caused her too much pain. She was already gasping for air and she didn't think it was working. She closed her eyes as she felt his hands creep up her legs.

The tears kept falling from her face as she squeezed her eyes tight each time he forced himself into her. She didn't know how long he had been raping her, but it seemed like hours.

"Feels good doesn't it?" Lowell teased, "If you would have just let me the first time you wouldn't be in this situation." He looked down at the body beneath him and saw that she wasn't crying anymore. She wasn't moving at all. He quickly pulled himself out of her and put his pants back on. "Oh shit." He could hear the police sirens nearing outside and he started to panic. He didn't plan on killing her so soon, he didn't have a plan yet. He searched around the building and ran out of the back door before the cops could catch him, leaving Olivia alone on the cold floor.

"I know she's in there," Elliot said to Fin as they got suited up. They put their bullet proof vests on and busted the front door down. The building had been empty from business for quite some time. It was dark and cold in there with dust everywhere.

"Olivia," he said quietly when he saw her. She was lying on the floor, completely naked, gasping for air.

"Fin, call a bus!" Elliot demanded. He took his jacket off of him and draped it over Olivia to keep her warm. "Hang on," he begged, "Hang on. You don't get to die. You came so far. Are you listening? You have to hang on." He grabbed her hand in his and brought it to his lips kissing it gently. He felt her squeeze it just a little bit but, that gave him all the hope.

"Is he here?" Elliot asked when he heard Fin walk up beside him.

"No," Fin answered, "It looks like he took off through the back door."

Elliot sighed and squeezed Olivia's hand a little bit tighter. Her eye was already starting to swell up and turn purple.

"Was she…?"

"Yeah," Elliot said in a voice coated with tears, "I'm sure she was raped."  
Fin sighed and stepped outside so he could direct the paramedics to go when they got there. It didn't take long for them to arrive. Elliot had managed to pull the tape off of her mouth and untie the rope that bounded her hands. He hoped it made her at least a little more comfortable.

"Olivia, sweetie," Elliot whispered into her ear, "The paramedics are here. They are going to take you to the hospital okay?"

Olivia opened her eyes, as painful as it was, and nodded her head. "Don't leave."

"I'm not," he said with a fresh tear drifting down his cheek, "I'm not going anywhere."

The paramedics pulled a stretcher out of the back of the ambulance and carried it over to where Olivia was lying in Elliot's arms. When they picked her up she cried out in pain. Elliot couldn't bare to watch so he stepped away until they loaded her into the ambulance. He rode with her on the way there holding her hand every minute. Fin and Munch rode behind and Cragen said he would meet them there.

"Liv," Elliot said after gently kissing her on the cheeks, "I know you are in so much pain right now," he said with his voice cracking, "But I need you to be strong. Now is your chance to be Badass-Benson. You have to prove that you didn't lose. You're so close to the finish line, so don't quit now. You have to cross it."

Olivia moved the only muscle in her body that didn't hurt and touched Elliot's cheek, "I'm going to win," she said softly.


	16. Chapter 16

**SteffieDawn - Thank you for the constructive criticism, it really helps my writing! **

**All else - thank you for reviewing and I hope you continue to like it!**

At the hospital, there wasn't much the doctors could do. They bandaged up her eye and the few cuts on her face and gave her some medicine for the pain. She didn't want to go to sleep but the drugs were taking over.

"How is she?" Cragen asked stepping into the private room.

"The doctor said that she would be in pain for the next few days from the two broken ribs and she would be sore for a long while after that," Elliot answered sadly. He hadn't moved from Olivia's side since they had arrived and he didn't plan on leaving it at all.

"Did she tell you what happened?" Cragen took a good look at Olivia and saw how terrible she looked. Her eye was swollen shut and it was a bluish purple color. She looked like she was in pain every time she took a breath. Cragen averted his eyes back to Elliot as he sat down in one of the hard green chairs.

"No," Elliot answered somberly, "I didn't ask. I didn't think she could handle it."

Cragen nodded, he understood. He wasn't looking forward to asking her either but, he knew it had to be done.

"Don't worry about that," Cragen said, "She's going to need you there as her friend, not as a detective."

"I shouldn't have gone to the nursing home," Elliot said letting go of Olivia's hand, "I could have sent Fin or Munch to go there but, I just needed a break."

"Don't blame yourself," Cragen said seeing what Elliot was doing, "This wasn't your fault. You were trying to help."  
"I just made things worse," Elliot said with his eyes turning pink and puffy.

"Elliot," Cragen said after a few minutes, "This isn't her fault. You helped her. She was falling quickly. You saved her from her mom and from herself."

Elliot sighed and angrily wiped the tears from his eyes, "She must have been so scared."

"I'm not going to lie," Cragen said folding his hands, "She probably was. She was probably terrified. Which is why she is going to need you when she wakes up. Everything is finally going to catch up to her and if you thought it was bad before…"

"I didn't think it was bad before," Elliot snapped, "I know it was. She thought about suicide. She punched a mirror because she didn't like who she saw! Do you know what this man has put her through? I'm going to kill the bastard."

Cragen didn't say anything because he had felt the same way multiple times. He took his anger out on the pilot of the airplane his wife was one because he was the only one who survived. Cragen knew it wasn't the pilot's fault but, when somebody hurts the person you love, you don't care.

"If Olivia wakes up call me," Cragen said standing up, "I'll need to get her statement."

Cragen left and went back to work so now Elliot and Olivia were alone again. Elliot listened and watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath she took. He watched every time her eyes would flutter to see if she was waking up. He had thoughts roaming in his head about what he was going to say because he knew she was going to need him now more than she ever did before.

Before Cragen went back to the precinct, he had somewhere to stop. He pulled his car into the parking lot of the rehab center where Olivia's mother was.

"I need to talk to Serena Benson," he said flashing the worker his badge.

"Right this way." the older man led Cragen to a room with a few tables and chairs and told him Serena would be right down. He tapped his fingers on the table in a rhythm until he saw her appear in the doorway.

"Serena?"

"Hi," she said shyly as she made her way over to him. She pulled out the chair across from him and sat down, crossing her legs.

"Olivia has been raped," Cragen said. It was the first time he had said those two words in the same sentence and he wasn't okay with it at all.

"Oh my gosh," Serena said placing her hand over he gaping mouth, "Is she alright? Is she okay? I need to see her. You have to get me out of here!"

"She's not okay," Cragen said seriously, "And you aren't leaving here until you fix your problems. She's going to need someone there for her and that person can't be you. You broke her. You beat her and said things to her that no child should have to hear from their mother."

"I know," Serena said sadly, "I will make it up to her. I will, I promise. You tell her that for me. Tell her I love her and I'm so sorry."

"You can tell her when you get out of here," Cragen said standing up. He headed toward the door but Serena stopped him.

"So, you think I can get better?"

"I know you can," he answered, "I'm not letting you leave until you are. I know what it's like."

"You were the cop…"

Cragen nodded, "I've gotten help," he said, "I had people who didn't give up on me."

"I'll get better," Serena said, "For Olivia."

Cragen gave her a sympathetic nod and then proceeded on his way back to the precinct.

"Elliot," Olivia said with a weak voice, "It hurts."  
"I know honey," he said leaning closer to her, "The doctor's have been giving you medicine to help the pain."

"Was I r-raped?"

Elliot didn't know how to react to that question. If she didn't remember it then she wouldn't have the pain of knowing what Harris did to her but, that also meant she couldn't testify against him.

"You don't remember?"

"I don't remember leaving the hospital," Olivia answered honestly.

Elliot had seen this a few times before in victims. They blocked the memory out of their mind because they couldn't bare it. He didn't know much about it, but he knew Huang did.

"I'm going to have Huang come talk to you," Elliot said, "Is that alright?"

"I guess."

"Cragen also needs to talk to you but, that can wait until tomorrow if you don't feel up to it."

"Tomorrow," Olivia mumbled before her eyes closed again and she was back asleep.

Elliot let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding and pulled the covers up over Olivia, careful not to touch her. When she didn't look like she was cold anymore Elliot walked out into the hallway to call George.

"Elliot?" George asked answering his phone.

"Yeah," Elliot said, "I don't know if Cragen told you about Olivia yet but-"

"He has filled me in," George said before Elliot continued.

"She just woke up," Elliot said, "And she doesn't remember being raped."

George sighed, "I'll come talk to her. Is she at Mercy?"

"Yeah," Elliot answered, "Thanks George."

"No problem."

Elliot hung up the phone and sighed. He knew that Olivia being attacked wasn't his fault but, he felt like it was. If he would have stayed at the hospital with her then none of this would have happened. He wiped the few stray tears from his eyes and went back into the room to hold Olivia's hand until George arrived.

"Olivia," George said standing next to her bedside.

"George?"

"Hi," he smiled when her eyes fluttered open, "How are you feeling?"

Olivia just shrugged and George made a mental note of it. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Olivia bowed her head and looked away from Elliot who was still holding her hand.

"Elliot," George said turning to him, "Maybe you should wait outside."

"Okay," Elliot nodded. This surprised George, he was expecting him to get angry.

"You want to talk about it now?" George asked sitting down in the chair.

"I told Elliot that I didn't remember," Olivia said still keeping her head hung low.

"But you do remember, don't you?"

Olivia picked her head up and looked George in the eyes. "Yes."

"Why did you lie?"

"I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell Elliot," she clarified.

"How come?"

"He was just starting to love me," Olivia said with the tears brimming in her eyes. "He would stop if he knew what happened."

"Liv, that's not true and you know that. Tell me what happened."

Olivia sighed and prepared herself mentally for what she was about to re-live. "I remember waking up in a car. My hands were tied and there was tape over my mouth." She had to take a moment to gather her thoughts and then she continued, "I saw Harris… and the next thing I know we were in this building and I was on the ground. He kept k-kicking me. I tried not to cry. Then he… he took my pants off," Olivia was barely keeping it together as she remembered the horrendous events that happened to her not that long ago. "I kept moving so he would stop but, he was stronger than me. My ribs were broken by then. I couldn't breathe and that's when he r-raped me."  
"Olivia," George said, "You are doing good. What else happened?"

"He talked to me the whole time," Olivia went on to say, "He kept saying these terrible things." Olivia now had tears pouring out of her eyes and George was trying to console her.

"What kind of things did he say?"

Olivia shook her head, "I can't talk about them."

"It's okay," George comforted, "We don't have to talk about them right now. I'll go get Elliot for you, okay?"

Olivia nodded as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't want anybody to know what Harris had said to her. She didn't even want to know but, it had happened and she didn't think she was ever going to forget it.

Before Elliot came back in the room the hospital phone started ringing. "Hello?" Olivia asked, puzzled as to who it could be.

"Olivia?"

"Mom?"

"Yeah," Serena said. Olivia could tell her mother had been crying.

"Mom, how did you know I was here?"

"Your captain told me," Serena answered, "I just need to tell you that I am so, so sorry. I wish that I never did the things I did to you but, I can't rewind time. I'm going to make it up to you, okay? I promise. I'm going to get better."  
"Don't make a promise you can't keep," Olivia said before hanging up the phone.

She wanted to forgive her mother but, right now, right now she couldn't. She couldn't even think about her. The only thing she could think about was being attacked, again.

"Liv," Elliot said entering the room, "How do you feel?"

She looked up at him with her one good eye that was now pink and puffy, "How do I feel?" she asked, "I feel like the worst person on earth. I feel dirty and I feel like I don't deserve to-"

"Shh," Elliot said putting his finger to her mouth, "Don't say anymore. Let's just take it day by day right now. You need to rest so you can get better."

"I don't want to-"

"Yes, you do," Elliot said keeping his voice calm. "I love you Olivia."

Olivia finally broke down. Her body became wracked with sobs and she couldn't stop the tears. Elliot figured that she was crying from the attack but, in reality, she was crying for so much more


	17. Chapter 17

**Laura- The story isn't over yet. Therefore, neither is Elliot and Olivia's relationship. Also, I love Olivia but this is just a story. **

Olivia had fallen back to sleep that night with Elliot right beside. Her climbed in the bed and wrapped his arm around her, careful not to hurt her. He ran his hand through her hair making her feel more relaxed and she rifted right off to sleep.

During the night, Elliot felt movement on the bed so he opened his eyes to see if Olivia was okay. She was still asleep and she had moved her arm so it was wrapped around him. He smiled to himself and went back to sleep.

Olivia woke up early the next morning complaining of pain so Elliot went to get her a nurse.

"I hear you're having some pain?"

Olivia nodded, "My eye is throbbing."

"Okay, well I'll give you a pain pill for that. How about your ribs?"

"They hurt," Olivia answered honestly.

"Do you want some morphine?"

"No," she quickly answered, "No morphine."

The nurse nodded and left to get the pain pill for Olivia. Olivia was still lying down but she made sure she was in a position where she could see Elliot.

"Hey," she said to him.

"Hey," he smiled, "How did you sleep?"

"Good," she said, "I don't think I woke up once."

"That's good. George called early this morning," Elliot went on to say, "He wants to know if you feel up for talking today?"

Olivia sighed and focused her eyes on the ceiling, "I guess."

"It's what's best Liv," Elliot said touching her arm.

"I know," she said quietly.

The nurse came back in and handed Olivia her medicine which she downed with a drink of water. She wasn't a water drinking person but they wouldn't allow her to have soda.

"He's on his way," Elliot informed her once the nurse was gone. "What did you guys talk about yesterday."  
Olivia still kept her eyes focused on the ceiling as she took a deep breath, "You."

"Me?"

"I remember it happening," she continue to say, "The… r-rape. I told you I didn't because I…"

"You what Liv?"

"I thought you would stop loving me if you knew what he did."

Now it was Elliot's turn to sigh. "Liv, look at me. I love you no matter what happened. You have to understand that Lowell Harris doesn't control you and he isn't going to control how much love I have for you. Do you get that?"

Elliot saw the tear slip from her eye as much as she tried to keep them from falling, "I love you El."

This was the first time Olivia had actually said it back to him. The first time she was able to say it out loud and Elliot couldn't have been more happy. He stood up from the chair and leaned over the railing of the bed to give her a subtle kiss on the lips. She didn't even flinch.

"You love me even with my ugly eye?" Olivia laughed.

"Yes," he answered, "I love you no matter what."

"You know," Olivia said while Elliot sat back down, "I haven't seen my eye."

Elliot knew where this was going. "Can I look in the mirror?"

"No," he answered flatly, "I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe when you get a little better."

"I want to see it El," Olivia insisted.

"Leave it to your imagination," he smiled.

Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes, "I don't have one."

"Sure you do," he whispered as he planted another kiss onto her lips. He would have kept kissing her if George hadn't been knocking on the door.

"Come in," Olivia said to him.

"Hi Olivia," he said walking passed Elliot, "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," she said.

To George, this was a good sign. It meant she still had her pride and she wanted to keep it. "Okay," he smiled, "Let's pick up where we left off. The things Lowell said."

Olivia thought that Elliot being in the room would make it harder, but it didn't. It made it easier and she wasn't as afraid to say it. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before she went on to say, "First he told me that I was doing better than my mom…"

Elliot cringed at those words. He had raped her mother too.

"Then what did he say?"

"He said I had the-" Olivia didn't want to say it but she knew she had to. She closed her eyes and forced it out, "He said I had the best body he had ever seen."

"Anything else?"

Olivia nodded with her eyes still squeezed shut, "He said that now I might get that baby I've always wanted." She choked up as she heard him saying those words to her again in her head.

"Liv," Elliot said still holding onto her hand, "They gave you the morning after pill."

"I know," she said quietly, "It's what I wanted."

Elliot looked at George for any kin of reassurance about Olivia but, George wasn't paying attention. He was busy writing away in his notepad.

"Olivia, how do you feel about your mom?" George asked changing the subject.

Olivia opened her eyes now and loosened her grip on Elliot's hand, "What do you mean?"

"She's been in rehab for a week now," George went on to say, "Do you think she will get better?"

"I wish I could," Olivia answered honestly, "But I just don't know."

"Do you think she wants to get better?"

"Yes," she answered again, "I think she knows now what she has done."

"Do you love your mother?"

"Of course I do, she's my mom."  
"Do you think your mother loves you?"

This time Olivia didn't have an answer right away. She had to think about. She knew her mother tried to love her and cared about her but, all the things her mother had done to her said otherwise. She would never forget when her mother slapped her across the face or told her she would never amount to anything.

"I don't know," she finally said.

"Okay," George said, "That's fine. I'll leave you two alone now." He closed his notepad and placed it neatly inside his satchel before walking out of the room.

"I can't wait to take you home again," Elliot said smiling.

"Why?"

"Sex," he answered honestly.

"Elliot!" she said hitting him on the arm.

"Well, you asked."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that…"

"It's okay," Elliot said tracing her arm with his fingers, "I can wait until you are ready."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"You can't think like that," he answered honestly, "Happy thoughts."

"You're cute," Olivia laughed.

"It got you to laugh."

"You're right," she said looking into his eyes, "It did."


	18. Chapter 18

**Sarah501B - It's from running around chasing perps all day ;) **

The next day, Elliot had to go back to work so he could help Munch and Fin collar Rojas and Harris. He was a little reluctant to leave Olivia alone but, he needed to be the one to find the bastards so he could kill them himself.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Elliot asked slipping his jacket on.

"I'll be fine," Olivia assured him, "Go catch bad guys."

"I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

"Alright," Olivia smiled. Elliot leaned over to give Olivia a kiss and was surprised when she flinched.

"I'm sorry," he said taken back, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't," Olivia said feeling ashamed, "I'm sorry."  
Elliot frowned and then turned to leave for work, "I'll see you later."

When he was gone Olivia let her head fall back on the pillow and let out an angry sigh. She hated that she flinched when Elliot kissed her but, the night before she had a nightmare and she couldn't get it out of her head. It started out as a good dream with her and Elliot playing around in the bedroom but then Olivia wanted to stop. When Elliot didn't stop she got scared and that's how she woke up. She hated herself for having a dream that Elliot raped her.

Melinda was suppose to come and keep Olivia company while Elliot was working so she waited patiently for her to get there.

"Hey Olivia," Melinda said walking into the room, "How are you?"

"Fine," Olivia said quickly, "How are you?"

"Good," Melinda said, "So how much hell have you been giving the doctors?"

Olivia offered a smile, "Not too much. I've been asleep most of the time."

"Morphine?"

"Yeah," Olivia answered, "Melinda, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Melinda answered crossing her legs and putting her hands in her lap, "What's up?"

"I had a dream last night that Elliot… raped me," Olivia said staring at the wall in front of her, "Do you think that's normal?"

"It's normal to have nightmares about being attacked," Melinda stated, "Have you told Elliot about this?"

"No," Olivia answered, "It would break his heart."  
"But maybe it will help you," Melinda said.

Olivia sighed. She didn't know how much more she could take. She hated the hospital and she was exhausted from not sleeping well the night before but, she was scared to sleep. She didn't want to be with Elliot if she was going to keep having these nightmares because it wasn't fair to him.

"Can you do me a favor?" Olivia asked, "Can you hand me my purse over there? I need some chapstick."

Melinda walked over to the corner of the room where Olivia's purse was laying because Elliot had brought it in. She handed it to Olivia and then excused herself to use the restroom.

Olivia fumbled around in her purse looking for something but it wasn't chapstick. When she found her mirror, it was faced mirror side down so she couldn't see her face yet. She took a deep breath before holding the mirror up in front of her face and opening her eyes. "Oh my gosh…" She saw how swollen and puffy her right eye was and how blue it really looked. She began to cry. "I'm so ugly," she said out loud, "How could I let this happen?" She dropped the mirror to the ground and it shattered into tiny pieces. Olivia maneuvered her way out of bed wincing at the pain that she felt shoot through her chest. When she was standing on her feet she had to hold onto the bed for support. She ripped the IV out of her arm and made her way to the window. _What if I jumped? I could end all of the pain right now. Then Elliot could find someone who wasn't afraid to have sex with him. Then everybody would be happy._

She unhooked the lock on the window and looked down to the ground. She was preparing herself to jump when Melinda walked back into the room.

"Olivia! What are you doing?"

"Ending it," Olivia said sadly.

"Olivia," Melinda said walking closely toward her, "Get down. This isn't going to help you. Please Olivia, your life is worth so much more than this."

"I can't," Olivia said through her tears, "I can't do it anymore. I have no strength left."

"Yes you do Olivia," Melinda said, "You have so much strength. You just can't see it yet. Please, step down."

Olivia looked out the window again and it was a long fall from the 4th floor.

"Come on Olivia," Melinda said reaching her hand toward Olivia, "Step down."

Olivia sighed and stepped out of the window with Melinda's help. Her ribs were now killing her and her eye was stinging, "I just don't want to do it anymore," she sobbed as Melinda pulled her into her arms.

"I know," Melinda said comforting her, "I know. It'll be over soon though. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel."

Melinda helped Olivia get back into bed and put the IV back in her arm. She knew she should tell the nurses what had happened but, first she wanted to make sure Olivia had calmed down.

"You want to tell me what made you do that?"

"I looked in the mirror," Olivia said feeling ashamed, "I saw my eye for the first time. I could have fought harder and this wouldn't have happened. I was weak."

"You weren't weak," Melinda assured her, "You fought back the best you could. He broke your ribs."

"I shouldn't have let him take me from the hospital," Olivia said staring down at her lap.

"You didn't let him," Melinda said, "You were doped up on a sedative."

"I knew somebody was carrying me," Olivia said, "I felt it but my eyes were so heavy and I couldn't open them."

"This wasn't your fault," Melinda reiterated, "None of this was your fault."

"It's all my fault!" Olivia argued, "All of these things happened because of me! Simon being killed, my mother being an alcoholic, me being raped!"

"It's never a victim's fault."

Olivia froze for a minute. She had told countless victim's that it wasn't their fault and they won if they came out alive. Why couldn't she tell herself that? Why was it so hard for her to believe?

At the precinct, Fin and Elliot were tracing all phone lines and accepting any leads they could get on Harris's whereabouts.

"I just got a call from an anonymous person," Munch said, "Said they saw Harris at the coffee shop just down the street."

Elliot slammed the phone down on the person he was talking to and quickly grabbed his gun, stuffing it in it's holder and rushed out the door with Fin following. He pulled the door open to the coffee shop and pointed his gun, "Lowell Harris!"

The man at the counter turned around and looked at Elliot dead in the eye, "No need to shoot," Lowell said taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh, I'm going to do more than that," Elliot said charging toward him.

"You son of a bitch!" Elliot yelled yanking him by the collar of his shirt, "You think you can get away with assaulting and raping Olivia? Let me tell you something-"

"Elliot!" It was Cragen.

"You son of a bitch," Elliot spat into Lowell's face, "You're under arrest for the rape of Olivia Benson." He slapped the cuffs onto Harris's wrists and tightened them as tight as he could. Then he shoved Harris toward Fin because he couldn't look at him anymore. He wanted to pound the guy's face in for doing what he did to Olivia. He stopped when he knew that Olivia would disapprove. When Harris was out of his sight he pulled out his cell phone and called Olivia.

"We got him Liv," Elliot said, "We got him. I'm on my way to see you right now."

"That's great El," Olivia said.

"I love you."

"You too."

"Elliot?" Melinda wondered when Olivia got off the phone.

"Yeah," Olivia answered.

"You didn't tell him you loved him."

"I do love him," Olivia said honestly, "It's just so soon. I thought I could handle it. Yesterday, Elliot brought up sex and I… I laughed about it but really I was scared. I was scared that I would always be afraid of sex. Even with Elliot."  
"I'm sure that's not true," Melinda said, "You just have to give it time."

"Yeah," Olivia said angrily, "How much time?"

"As long as it takes," Melinda said patting Olivia on the hand, "It will get better. It'll get easier."

"I hope so."


	19. Chapter 19

"Liv," Elliot whispered walking into dimly lit hospital room, "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly, shuffling around in the bed.

"Melinda told me what happened," Elliot said sitting down his usual spot.

"Do you hate me?"

"No Olivia," Elliot answered sincerely, "I could never hate you."  
Elliot could hear Olivia sniff and even though he couldn't see her face he figured she was crying. "Liv, I want you to get better more than anything in this world. I want to be with you more than anything in this world."

Olivia sniffed again, "I just don't think I can handle a relationship right now."

"I'll wait," Elliot said again, "I'll wait forever if that's how long it takes but, you need to know that someone is praying for you to pull through. Somebody does care about you."

"I know," Olivia said quietly, changing her position so she could face him.

"Your eye is looking a bit better," Elliot said offering a small smile, "How does it feel?"

Olivia knew he was only saying that because Melinda told him why she did it but, she didn't care. It was helping. "It still hurts," she answered honestly, "But not as much as it did."

"That's good."

"I'm so tired," Olivia said through a yawn.

"Close your eyes," Elliot said sitting back in the chair, "I'll be here when you get up."  
"This is going to sound weak but, will you hold my hand?" Olivia asked with her eyes already closed.

"It doesn't make you sound weak," Elliot stated holding her hand in his, "Now go to sleep."

Elliot stayed in the chair with his back hunched over so he was able to hold Olivia's hand the whole night. No matter how uncomfortable he was, he wasn't going to let go. He eventually was able to fall asleep.

_I was hiding in what seemed like an abandoned building. I was breathing heavily and I was running from something. From someone. I could hear their footsteps getting closer but I couldn't see anybody. "Elliot?" I called into the room. "Elliot, please say that's you."_

_ "Wrong," I heard a voice say, "Elliot can't save you now."_

_ "No," I begged, "Please."_

_ "Say goodbye."_

Olivia jolted upright in the hospital bed making her wince from the shooting pain that ripped through her chest. She was breathing heavily and sweat beads had formed around her hair line. "No," she cried, "I don't want to die."

"Olivia," Elliot said giving a little squeeze on her hand, "Liv it's okay. It was just a nightmare. Everything's okay. You're safe now. It's okay. You're not going to die."

When Olivia's breathing started to slow down and even out she looked down at her hand which Elliot was still holding onto. "You're still holding my hand."

"Of course," he said, "You asked me to."

She did a sad smile and then closed her eyes and laid her head back down on the pillow. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," Elliot said, "I wanted to. Now try to go back to sleep, I'll be right here."

Olivia gave a gentle squeeze on Elliot's hand and closed her eyes again. She wasn't going to let some nightmare get to her. She knew she was stronger than that and the fact that she could tell herself that made her want to fight it even more. She took one last deep breath before smiling to herself and drifting off to sleep once more.

The next morning Olivia was awaken by the morning nurse coming in to give her some pain medicine. It was to help with the ribs and ease the pain of the still slightly swollen eye.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" Mary, the morning nurse asked.

"Yeah," Olivia lied, "Do you know when I can get out of here?"

Mary handed Olivia the two pills and she popped them into her mouth, downing them with water. "Your doctor wants you to speak with a therapist first."

"Why?" Olivia asked, "I'm fine. See?" She forced a big smile on her face making sure she showed teeth.

"Olivia," Mary said crossing her arms over her chest, "If you're fine then the therapist will clear you and you can go home."

"Fine," Olivia said rolling her eyes, "When do I have to talk to her?"

"Now if you'd like," Mary answered picking up Olivia's chart from the end of the bed.

Olivia looked over to Elliot who was still passed out in the chair. She smiled to herself at the fact that he was still holding on to her hand. "Okay."

"I'll send her in," Mary said before leaving the room.

Elliot had heard the conversation that Olivia and Mary had but he didn't say anything because he didn't know if Olivia wanted him in the room when the therapist was there. He didn't want to leave her side though.

"Olivia Benson?" A short lady wearing black high heels and a lab coat entered Olivia's room carrying a yellow notepad and wearing a pen in her pocket.

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Kelsey. I'm going to be your therapist."

Olivia nodded as Dr. Kelsey made her way to the empty chair on the other side of Olivia's bed.

"So," Dr. Kelsey began, "How do you feel today Olivia?"

"I feel like I want to go home."

Elliot couldn't help but smile from Olivia's answer and he hoped she didn't see. This was the Olivia Benson he knew who hated hospitals.

"Besides that," Dr. Kelsey said writing something in her notepad, "How are you sleeping at night?"

Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes not wanting to be talking to a shrink, "I sleep fine."

"It says in your chart that you have been having some nightmares," Dr. Kelsey stated.

"Yeah," Olivia spat, "I work with Manhattan Special Victim's Unit. It's enough to give anybody nightmares."

"What about your attack?"

Olivia looked down at the blanket in front of her and started messing with a loose piece of yarn, "The man who did it is in jail."

"One of them, right?"

"Yes, one of them," Olivia responded a bit harsher than she meant to.

"Does that worry you?"

"A little," she answered shakily, "But I know my colleagues are doing their best to find him."

"What if they can't?"

"They will."

"You seem angry," Dr. Kelsey stated writing more notes down in her notepad.

Olivia didn't say anything. She just focused on the loose piece of yarn and hoped Dr. Kelsey would move on to the next question.

"Are you angry?"

"Of course I'm angry," Olivia answered in the kindest tone she had used all day.

"Why?"

"I was attacked," Olivia began explaining, "My job is to put rapists away. I'm suppose to protect victims and I couldn't even protect myself. How am I suppose to look at another victim and say that I can help them when I didn't even help myself?"

"You did help yourself Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said putting her pen down, "You fought and you stayed alive. You didn't let him win."

Olivia stopped messing with the piece of yarn and let out a shaky breath, "I live for my job. If I can't do it right, then I have no reason to be alive."

"Is that why you attempted suicide?"

"Yes."

Elliot hated hearing Olivia so upset and he knew she would be angry if she knew he was listening but, he squeezed her hand anyway. She noticed but she didn't say anything. She continued talking.

"I still want to work there," Olivia said, "I still want to put the bastards away."

Dr. Kelsey smiled. She had heard the nurses and doctors talking about Olivia and how tough they all knew her as. Dr. Kelsey had respected the things she heard and she was proud that Olivia was able to get some of her wit back.

"Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said sitting aside her notepad, "I think it's okay for you to go home."

"Really?" Olivia asked with her face lighting up.

"Yes," Dr. Kelsey smiled, "On one condition. You see me three times a week."

"Okay," Olivia said. She wasn't too thrilled about it but if it meant she got to go home, she wasn't going to say no.

"Here's my card," Dr. Kelsey said handing her a card with her information on it, "I'll let your doctor know so she can bring you the discharge papers."

When Elliot heard the door open and shut he opened his eyes and pretended to just wake up.

"I know you were listening," Olivia said smiling in his direction.

"Oh really? How?"

Olivia playfully rolled her eyes, "Doesn't matter. What matters is I get to get out of this place!"


	20. Chapter 20

A few weeks had gone by and Olivia was seeming to be better. She was talking about things with a therapist three times a week and so far she hadn't had anymore. She felt confident in sharing her thoughts with Elliot and their relationship had slowly but surely been taken to the next step.

"How are you feeling today Olivia?" Dr. Kelsey, Olivia's therapist asked.

"I thought I was getting better," Olivia answered focusing her eyes on the floor.

"You don't feel like you are?"

Olivia shook her head, "I was cooking dinner and I just felt this over whelming feeling take over. I had to stop cooking and I dumped the pan in the sink and I had to walk away from the knives."

"You thought about suicide?"

"No," Olivia clarified, "I thought about living."

"I'm not sure I understand," Dr. Kelsey said crossing her right leg over her left.

"Six months ago I never would have thought about killing myself. It was irrational and I never understood it. Until it happened to me. All I was focused on six months ago was helping victims and putting useless bastards away in jail and helping my mom get better."

"Your mom is getting better Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said, "She's in rehab and she's doing good. You still have your job. Your Captain is keeping your spot open because he knows you can do this."  
Olivia looked up from the floor for the first time since the session began and looked into Dr. Kelsey's eyes, "I know all that. I just… I need something that pulls me back. That tells me that I am here for a reason."

"What about Elliot?"

Olivia smiled, "Elliot's great. He uh- he's really great. We finally told people about our relationship."

"Why can't he be enough?"

"He is," Olivia clarified, "He's more than enough. He's everything. Without him I'm almost positive I wouldn't be here right now. I would have killed myself or my mother would have done it for me."

"Do you believe that your mother will actually get better?"

Olivia sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "I guess I have to see it for myself. I haven't really been to see her."

"What if you go today? I'll go with you."

Olivia hesitated for a moment. She wanted to see her mom but, if her mom wasn't getting better, she didn't know if she could handle it. She was still taking baby steps at the time and seeing her mother was like taking a leap.

"You'll stay?"

"Yes," Dr. Kelsey reassured, "I'll stay."

"Okay," Olivia said shakily, "I think I can do it."

"I know you can."

"You're nervous," Dr. Kelsey said stating the obvious.

Olivia was sitting at a table in a room where patients were allowed to have visitors and Dr. Kelsey was sitting across from her. Olivia had been tapping her fingers on the table for the past ten minutes while they waited for Serena to come down.

Olivia stopped tapping and took a deep breath, "I'm okay."

Dr. Kelsey nodded but continued to eye Olivia carefully as she planned on doing throughout the visit.

"Olivia?"

Olivia turned around in her chair to face her mother who was standing in the doorway in a pair of sweat pants and a clean purple shirt.

"Hey," Olivia said shakily as Serena approached the table.

Serena sat down in the empty chair next to Olivia and grabbed her hand, "I'm getting better, you know?"

"I know," Olivia nodded.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you," Serena said, "I mean that in a good way."

"You also would have been an alcoholic if it wasn't for me," Olivia said pulling her hand away from her mother's embrace.

"This isn't your fault," Serena said focusing on Olivia's figure, "You can't blame yourself for this."

"But it is my fault," Olivia said with a hint of tears in her voice, "I was a constant reminder to you."

"No," Serena said shaking her head, "If anything you saved me."

Olivia froze for a moment and it didn't go unnoticed. She had told Dr. Kelsey the exact same thing earlier that day about Elliot and now her own mother was saying the same thing about her.

"You mean that?"

"Yes," Serena said grabbing Olivia's hand again, "Of course I do."

Olivia let out a shaky breath and blinked back her tears, "Your doctor said you will be ready to go in a few days."

"Yeah," Serena smiled, "Olivia, I promise you I'm never going to pick up a bottle again. No matter what it takes. I don't want to ever do that to you again."

Olivia smiled and the first tear fall. It was a tear of happiness because for the first time in the past six months she saw the light. She saw something good. She leaned over toward her mother and wrapped her arms around her giving her the biggest hug she ever had.

"Oh honey," Serena said hugging her back, "I am so, so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I would in a heartbeat if I could. I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

Olivia just sobbed quietly into her mother's chest. This was the first time her mother had told her she loved her and actually meant it.

"Visiting hours are over," the tech said from the doorway.

Olivia leaned up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, "Sorry about your shirt."

"It's okay," Serena said, "I'm really glad you came to visit today."

"Me too," Olivia said, "Me too."

When Serena was gone and it was just Olivia and Dr. Kelsey once again, Dr. Kelsey spoke up, "How do you feel?"

"I feel like she meant what she said," Olivia said with a small smile on her face, "I feel like that's one less thing behind me now."

"Do you feel like you are on the next step toward getting better?"

"Yes," Olivia said for the first time and actually meaning it, "Thank you."

"Your home late," Elliot said from the kitchen table when he saw Olivia walk in.

"You're home early," Olivia smiled.

"You seem in a good mood," Elliot said shoving a bite of spaghetti in his mouth.

"I saw my mother today," Olivia explained making her a plate and sitting down across from him.

"Oh yeah? I take it it went good?"

"Yeah," Olivia answered, "I think I'm getting better."

"That's great news Liv," Elliot said reaching across the table and grabbing her hand.

"So did you catch Rojas?" Olivia asked after taking a sip of her Cola.

"No," Elliot said losing his smile, "We did get Harris to talk."

"Did he tell you where Rojas is?"

"He swears he doesn't know," Elliot said, "But he gave us a few places where he might be. Fin is checking them out now."

Olivia nodded taking another bite of her dinner, "That's good."

"Mhm."

When dinner was over and the dishes were cleaned, Olivia waltzed into the living room and plopped down on the couch next to Elliot where he was intently staring at the football game on TV.

"Hey," she said putting her hand on his leg.

"Hey," he said turning the TV off.

Olivia smiled and climbed over top of him so she was sitting on his lap and looking him in the eyes. She leaned in and planted the first kiss onto his ready and waiting lips and Elliot didn't hesitate in kissing back. He placed his hands on her back underneath her shirt and started tracing the outline of her spine because he knew it tickled her.

"I love you El," she said coming up for air.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yeah," Olivia said pulling his t-shirt off over his head.

They stumbled back into the bedroom leaving a trail of clothes as they went and plopped down on the bed together not bothering to turn the lights on. Elliot was just about to unfasten her bra when he noticed the look in Olivia's eyes.

"You're not ready," he stated climbing off of her.

"No, I am," she argued.

"No, you aren't," Elliot said, "I don't want to do this if you aren't ready. I want you to be able to enjoy it. It's okay. I told you I would wait."

"Elliot," Olivia said cupping his chin in her hand, "I am ready. You just… you squished me."

"What?" Elliot asked a bit confused.

"You squished me," she said again through her chuckles, "We need to trade places."  
Elliot laughed and shook his head pulling her on top of him, "I love you too Liv."


	21. Chapter 21

Olivia sat on the red leather couch for the third time this week staring at the tan carpet below her feet. Her eyes looked tired and her body language agreed. Dr. Kelsey was taking some notes in her notepad while she observed the sudden changes in Olivia. She waited patiently hoping Olivia would talk first but, when she didn't, Dr. Kelsey spoke up.

"So, Olivia, how are you feeling?"

Olivia didn't say anything. She just continued to stare with the blank look on her face.

"Olivia?" Dr. Kelsey asked again.

"Sorry," Olivia said jolting back to reality, "I'm just tired."

"Why is that?"

"The nightmares haven't gone away yet," she answered sadly, "Every night I have one, sometimes two. I'm having a hard time falling asleep at night, especially after I wake up from a nightmare."

Dr. Kelsey frowned and wrote the information down in Olivia's chart, "I can prescribe you some light sleep medication if you'd like."

"I really didn't want it to come to that," Olivia said sadly, "I want to do this on my own."

"Olivia, having help is okay. Acknowledging that you need help is what makes you so strong. The prescription will be the lightest there is and it should help with falling asleep and help with the bad dreams."

Olivia sighed and finally shifted her eyes so she was looking at Dr. Kelsey, "I guess."

"Okay." Dr. Kelsey took a prescription pad out from one of her desk drawers and wrote down the prescription and handed it to Olivia. "It will help."

"Can I go now?" Olivia asked after shoving the piece of paper into her pocket.

"You promise you will take them?"

"Yes," Olivia said and she meant it. She was so tired she would do anything to get a good nights' sleep.

"Why don't you come back tomorrow? Just so I can see how things are, okay?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday," Olivia stated, "I've already been three times this week."

"It's in your best interest Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said sincerely, "I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"Fine," Olivia sighed, "I'll come back tomorrow."

Olivia walked to the nearest pharmacy because it was only a block away and she wanted the fresh air. Plus she didn't trust cab drivers or most strangers at that moment anyways. She walked into the building and made her way to the counter where she handed a pharmacologist the crumbled piece of paper and made her way to the waiting area. The lady told her it would be about a ten minute wait to get them filled.

While Olivia was waiting she grabbed a magazine from a nearby table and flipped it open to one of the pages. She was too tired to make sense of anything it said but, she didn't want to look like a loser staring off into space. She got tired of flipping through the magazine so she sat it back down and looked out at the other customers waiting for their prescriptions to be filled. She took one look at a man and she started to panic. She could feel her throat getting tighter and she struggled to get another breath. She began shaking and she couldn't stop herself. Tears were streaming down her face when one of the men who were working came to her side.

"Ma'am," he said looking into her eyes, "I need you to take even breaths for me okay? Just do what I do. In. Out. Breathe in, breathe out." The man demonstrated the breathing for Olivia and got her to compile. Once she had caught her breath he smiled.

"You okay?" he worried.

She nodded, "I'm sorry," she said in a quiet voice. The nearby people were all staring and she felt so humiliated that she wanted to run.

"You had a panic attack," the man stated, "Maybe you should call someone to come get you."

"Yeah," she nodded, "I will. Thank you."

He flashed her another sympathetic smile and then returned back behind the counter where he finished taking other people's prescriptions.

"Hello?" Elliot answered on the other end of the phone.

"I just had a panic attack," she stated sadly.

Elliot immediately sat down the papers that were in his hand on his desk and grabbed his jacket, "Where are you?"

"The pharmacy," she answered.

"I'm on my way, okay? You're okay. Don't go anywhere; I'm coming to take you home."

Olivia hung up the phone and grabbed her bottle of pills once they were ready to be handed to her. She held them in her hand and thought about taking all of them but, she knew better. She felt like the panic attack had been five steps backwards and she wasn't expecting it at all.

"Liv," Elliot said seeing her and walking to her side, "You okay?"

She sniffed, "I saw a man that looked like Rojas. I just started to p-panic and next thing I knew…"

"It's okay," Elliot said trying to console her, "It's okay. I'm here now; we are going to get you home."

"Dr. Kelsey prescribed me sleeping pills," she stated once they were back at Elliot's house.

"I see that," Elliot said looking at the bottle in her hand.

"She wants me to visit her again tomorrow."

Elliot just nodded as he continued to cook lunch for himself and Olivia. Cragen had given him the rest of the day off so he could make sure Olivia didn't have any more sudden attacks.

When Elliot finished placing his specialty, grilled-cheese sandwiches, on their plates, he walked into the kitchen and smiled to himself at the sight he saw. Olivia had fallen asleep sitting up on the couch. He sat down the plates he was carrying on the coffee table and swooped Olivia up into his arms. He carried her back into the bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed. He pulled the covers up to under her chin and kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room and leaving the door slightly ajar.

Elliot finished his grilled-cheese while watching a movie about boxing on TV and when he was finished he took his plate to the kitchen to wash it off. He stopped in front of the refrigerator to admire the pictures that hung there.

One was of him and Olivia both sticking their tongues out when Fin surprised them by flashing his camera. Another was the both of them sharing a foot long hot dog at a street vendor they took exactly a year ago. Those were only a very few of the good times they had together and Elliot would do anything to get that Olivia back. His heart broke for the pain that she was going through but, he promised his self he would wait and he never broke a promise. He had faith that Olivia would get better with time and his faith was what helped him in his darkest of places.

**Just because their relationship is moving slowly, doesn't mean there isn't a relationship. Trust me, their relationship is a huge part of the story.**


	22. Chapter 22

"We know where he's staying," Fin said stepping into Elliot's apartment.

"Where?" Elliot asked grabbing his gun and badge from the safe where he stored them.

"The Amsterdam," Fin said, "Room 103. The manager is being cooperative."

"I'm going to kill the bastard," Elliot said hurrying to put his jacket on.

"What about Liv?"

Elliot sighed, "She's sleeping. Can you stay here? I know it's a lot but, I love her and I need to be the one to get this guy."

"No problem," Fin said, "Anything for Liv."

"Thanks," he said as he headed out the door.

"Detective Stabler," Elliot said flashing the manager of the hotel his badge, "I need the key card to room 103."

"Here you go," the man smiled handing over the card.

"Thanks." Elliot had his gun in one hand and the card in the other. He wasn't taking any chances.

"Police!" he yelled while banging on the door, "Open up or I'm coming in!" He waited a minute to see if he heard any shuffling inside but there was nothing. He swiped the card through the door lock and slowly opened the door with his gun pointing in front of him. He searched the whole room and nobody was there. "Damn it."

_"Please don't shoot," I begged. "Please. I'm sorry."_

_ "I don't care about your apology or you," Rojas said, "I want you out of my life. I'm tired of dealing with your shit. So now, I end it."_

_ "Please," I begged, "Please."_

_ "Shut up!"_

"Ahhhh!" Olivia jolted upright in her bed and the tears were instantly streaming down her face. She kept hearing his voice repeating those words. She started breathing heavily again and she could feel her throat tightening up. "El…" she managed to say just loud enough so Fin could hear.

"Liv?" he asked rushing into the room, "Olivia, what's wrong?"

Olivia kept gasping for air as her body started to tremble with fear. She was struggling for every breath she took.

"Liv," Fin said sitting down on the bed in front of her, "You have to breath. Calm down. Look at me. Do what I'm doing." Fin slowly breathed in and out while he tried to get Olivia to do the same thing. She tried to mimic his moves but it just wasn't cutting it this time. Fin looked into her eyes and for the first time he saw her scared.

"Olivia, you have to try to calm down. You have to. We found Rojas, Elliot is getting him right now. You're safe."

Olivia tried to say something but she started to feel dizzy and she passed out.

"Olivia!" Fin hollered, "Olivia, wake up!" He shook her gently and then took out his cell phone to call a bus.

Fin had told the ambulance what had happened and told them about Olivia's condition and they made sure she was getting enough oxygen. Fin rode in the back of the ambulance with Olivia and hoped that she would be okay.

"El…" Olivia mumbled from the stretcher, "What happened?"

"Liv," Fin said grabbing her hand, "It's me. It's Fin. You had a panic attack and you passed out," he informed, "I called an ambulance and we are on the way to the hospital."

"Where's Elliot?" she mumbled.

"He's probably locking Rojas behind bars right now. I will call him as soon as we get to the hospital."

Olivia nodded before closing her eyes and letting the sleep over take her body. It was the first time she had been able to sleep without having a nightmare.

"Where the hell is he?" Elliot spat at the manager who had a wry smirk on his face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Rojas," Elliot said through clenched teeth, "Where in the hell his he?"

"Don't know," the manager shrugged, "Never saw him leave."

"You son of a bitch!" Elliot yelled. If it wasn't for the glass separating the two of them Elliot was sure that he would have choked him. Instead of wasting his time he stormed out of the hotel and made his way to the precinct.

"We know," Cragen said before Elliot could get in a word, "We got his cell phone location."

"Where is he?" Elliot questioned.

"Elliot," Cragen said bowing his head, "Fin called. Olivia's in the hospital. She had a panic attack."

Elliot stopped being angry all of sudden he was overcome with sadness. He should have been there and he wasn't. He turned around and made his way to the car where he sped to the hospital.

"Benson," Elliot said flashing them his badge, "Olivia. Can you tell me what room she's in?"

"She's up on Psych, room 12," the receptionist said without looking at Elliot.

"Psych?" Elliot asked feeling his blood beginning to boil, "She's not mental. She had a panic attack for crying out loud!"

"Sir," the receptionist said finally looking away from her computer, "I don't know why she's there. All I know is she's on the psych floor in room 12."

Elliot slammed his fist down on the counter and then made his way to the third floor, room 12.

"Why is she in restraints?" Elliot demanded to know, "I thought she had a panic attack!"

"She did," Fin answered standing up from the chair he was seated in, "When we got here she… she said she had to end it before Rojas did."

Elliot felt the tears start to sting in his eyes, "I thought she was getting better," he said sadly, "She was doing so good there for awhile."

"The doctor said her psychiatrist would be here to talk to her when she wakes up," Fin informed, "I'm real sorry."

"They can't keep these on her," Elliot said referring to the restraints, "She will panic."

"I tried to tell them," Fin said, "They argued that it's procedure."

"To hell with them," Elliot said undoing the restraints and pulling them off of her.

"She's sedated," Fin said, "She should wake up in about ten minutes."

"Thanks," Elliot said sitting down by her bedside.

Fin excused himself from the room and walked down the hall into the waiting area where he would wait to hear news about Olivia. He called Cragen while he was there and got filled in on Rojas.

Meanwhile in Olivia's room, Elliot picked her limp hand up and held it between his hands. "I'm so sorry," he cried, "I wish all your pain would end. I can't imagine how hard this is for you…" He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently when he felt Olivia starting to stir.

"Liv?" he asked, "It's me. It's Elliot."

"El," she said opening her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes, I do," she argued, "You were there. In my dream. You were watching when he shot me. You didn't want to take care of me. I'm sorry."

"Oh Liv," he said letting the tears fall freely from his eyes, "I love taking care of you. I just wish the circumstances were different. I love you Olivia Benson and nothing, NOTHING, is going to change that."

She sniffed and let out a deep breath, "Did you get him?"

Elliot sighed and looked away so he didn't have to see the fear in Olivia's eyes when he told her, "No," he said quietly, "We are tracking his cell phone right now."

Elliot felt Olivia squeeze his hand and he couldn't help but cry. All he wanted to do was be her hero, why couldn't fate just let that happen?

"Fin," he said answering his phone.

"It's Rojas," Cragen said on the other line, "He's there. Make sure Olivia is safe and tell Elliot. Don't panic Olivia."

Fin sighed and shook his head as he flipped his phone shut, "This bastard is messin' with the wrong people."


	23. Chapter 23

** Thanks for the reviews guys!**

"He's here?" Elliot asked. He could feel his temper beginning to flare and his blood begin to boil.

"How do you want to catch him?"

Elliot shook his head and looked toward Olivia who was still crying in the hospital bed. "He's after Olivia so, let's make him think he's getting what he wants."

"How?" Fin wondered.

Elliot explained his plan to Fin which was the easy part. The hard part was telling Olivia.

"So, I have t-to…"

"We aren't going to let him get you Olivia," Fin assured her, "It's just the safest way."

"Yeah," Olivia said shakily, "Okay."

"Okay?" Elliot asked making sure.

"Okay," she said again.

"Here he comes," Fin said looking through the blinds of the window.

The terrified look in Olivia's eyes couldn't have made Elliot's heart break anymore. He wished it didn't have to go down this way but, deep down he knew Olivia would want the civilians to be safe. Elliot stood behind the door with his gun aimed and ready and Fin stood across the room out of seeing distance. Olivia tried to make it look like she was asleep but she couldn't control the shaking.

They all heard the door handle squeak and Elliot placed his finger on the trigger. Olivia squeezed her eyes a little tighter and hoped that the plan would work.

"Oh Olivia," Rojas said entering the room, "You should have just let me do this a long time ago."

Rojas held the gun out in front of him and pointed it right at Olivia. Olivia opened her eyes, "Go to hell."

Rojas put his hand on the trigger but before he could even think twice about shooting, Elliot fired.

"Son of a bitch," Rojas said from the ground where his shoulder was bleeding profusely.

"Yeah, you are," Elliot said jerking him up off the ground.

Fin placed the handcuffs on Rojas and then carried him off out of the room.

"You did it," Elliot said putting his gun away and walking to her side, "You did it."

Olivia just sat there, still trembling. She couldn't wrap her head around what had just happened. Elliot saw a tear shed from her eyes and he gently sat down on the bed next to her. He carefully wrapped his arm around her back on let her rest her head in his chest.

"Let it all out," he said as he messed with her hair, "It's okay. Just let it all out."

Elliot held onto her tight as she continued to cry into his chest. He could feel the wetness seeping through but, he didn't care. He needed to be there for Olivia and he didn't plan on moving anytime soon.

"Olivia?" Dr. Kelsey asked stepping into the roo.

Olivia moved her head slightly so she could see Dr. Kelsey but she didn't leave Elliot's embrace.

"We need to talk about what happened," Dr. Kelsey said closing the door behind her, "About the panic attacks."  
Olivia sniffled back a sob as Dr. Kelsey continued, "When was your first one?"

"After I left your office," Olivia answered through her tears, "I was at the pharmacy and I saw a man who looked liked R-rojas. I didn't know what was happening at first and I was s-scared."

"When was the second one?"

"I had another nightmare," she explained as she tried to stop the tears from flowing, "I woke up and I could already feel my throat tightening. I couldn't breath and I was trying to but I just couldn't."

"It's okay," Dr. Kelsey said noticing that Olivia was getting worked up again.

"It's not," Olivia said burying her face back into Elliot's chest. Elliot placed his hand on her back and started rubbing it gently.

"Why do you think it isn't okay?" Dr. Kelsey asked.

"All these victims expect me to protect them but, what happens if I cant? That hurts," she mumbled.

"You think all this happening to you will make you bad at your job?" Dr. Kelsey asked sensing that was where Olivia was getting at.

"Yes."  
"Olivia, if anything, this is going to make you even better at your job. You can understand what these victims are going through and be that much more determined to help them."

Olivia sniffed and let out a deep breath that she had been holding for awhile, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said clicking her pen closed, "You have to talk about it. Talking about it will help, you know that."

"Please," Olivia practically begged, "I want to be left alone for one night. Please."

Dr. Kelsey sighed and began to stand up, she knew that Olivia needed to talk but, what was one night going to hurt? "I'll be back first thing tomorrow," she said before excusing herself.

When it was just Olivia and Elliot alone, there was a knock on the door and Elliot got up to see who it was.

"Ms. Benson?"

"Can I see her?" Serena asked peeking around Elliot to see Olivia.

Elliot was at a loss for words. He opened the door up further and Serena rushed straight to Olivia's side.

"Mom?" Olivia asked.

"Hey," Serena said stroking Olivia's hand, "I'm here for you."

Hearing those words made Olivia want to cry again but, she just didn't have any tears left. "You've never said that before," she stated.

"I know," Serena said sadly, "I can't apologize enough. I know that I can never, NEVER, make this up to you but, I'm gonna try."

"Are you done with rehab?"

"No," Serena answered, "Your Captain brought me here to see you. I have to go back in just a few."

Elliot watched as Olivia and her mom interacted. Serena finally looked like she was pulling herself together and that was all because of Olivia's doing. All because Olivia had a heart bigger than the world itself.

"I'm going to go talk to Cragen," Elliot said to Olivia. He wanted to give them some alone time so they could get reacquainted and he had some things he wanted to talk to Cragen about.

"I love you sweetie," Serena said to Olivia, "I love you and I don't ever want to lose you."


	24. Chapter 24

**This is my only story on here who that doesn't have one bad review. I hope that means I'm at least doing something right.**

"How is she?" Cragen asked once him an Elliot were seated of a table in the cafeteria.

"She's Olivia," Elliot responded with a sad smile on his face, "She's being as strong as she can right now."

Cragen just nodded as she sipped on the fresh hot tea he just ordered, "Her mom seems to really be sobering up."

"Yeah," Elliot said, "I think it's what Olivia needs. Look, Cap, I need to talk to you about something." Elliot kept his eyes focused on the cup in front of him as he felt the steam reach his hands.

"What's up?"

"I want to marry her," he blurted out.

"And you want me to take care of all the legal obligations?" Cragen asked taking another sip of his drink.

"No," Elliot said, "I'm just telling you first. I don't even know if Olivia is going to want to come back."

"Is she is still the same Olivia," Cragen said, "She will want to come back."

Elliot sighed and took his first drink of the coffee that Cragen had bought for him. It soothed his throat and it seemed to help his thoughts become clear.

"I want to propose as soon as she gets home," Elliot said, "Do you think that's too soon?"

"I think," Cragen answered, "That she loves you."

"Yeah."

"Olivia?" Nurse Hailey asked stepping into the room after tapping on the door.

"Would you like to take the sleeping pills tonight or do you want to try and sleep on your own?"

Olivia turned to look at her mother for advice but her mother just gave her hand a squeeze, "I want to try without them." "Okay," Hailey smiled, "I'll be back in to check on you a little later."

Olivia nodded and turned her attention back toward Serena. "Sweetie," Serena said noticing Olivia's wrists, "What happened?"

Olivia felt a little embarrassed and moved her hands so they were hidden under the covers, "I… punched a mirror."

Serena sighed, "I wish I could have been there for you. Maybe you wouldn't be going through this now."

"This isn't your fault," Olivia said placing her hair up in a pony tail, "Don't blame yourself. Please."

Serena leaned over the bed and kissed Olivia on her forehead like she never did when she was a child and Olivia smiled.

"I have to go," Serena said, "I have to be back by 9:30."

"Bye," Olivia waved.

Serena waved back and before Olivia knew it she was all by herself. She sighed and turned over so she was looking out of the window. The moon was in her sight and she just stared at it. When she was little and one of the few times her mother had been sober, Olivia could remember her reading a bedtime story. It was about a little boy who lived on a moon and was best friends with the sun. The moon and the sun could never see each other though because their jobs were too different. It was one of the good memories Olivia did have with her mother and she smiled to herself as she snuggled under the warm cotton blanket and let sleep overtake her body.

When Elliot came back into the room he turned the big light off and left the little light behind the bed shine. He sat down in the chair next to Olivia's bed and grabbed her hand, holding it close to his heart. She shifted and her eyes fluttered open looking right at Elliot.

"Come up here," she said patting the bed next to her.

She didn't need to ask twice, Elliot was already lying next to her. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm gonna get better," she whispered to him, "So don't give up on me just yet."

"Never," he whispered back, "Never." He reached his arm out and wrapped it behind her back pulling her closer to him and together they fell asleep dreaming of a happy ever after.

"_Hadley! Don't get your dress dirty! We have to go to church today!" Olivia hollered into the backyard of their newly bought house._

"_Hunter, that goes for you too!" Elliot repeated._

"_How did we get so lucky?" Olivia asked as she shut the sliding glass door and turned to Elliot._

"_I don't know," he smiled as he leaned in to kiss her._

"_It's so easy to get out of jail these days," a man's voice said from behind them._

_Olivia turned around to see Rojas and Harris standing there together. Both of them had aged quite a bit and both of them had guns. The only thing running through Olivia's mind was her children playing in the backyard._

"_You put us through a lot of hell," Harris said placing his finger on the trigger._

"_Please," Olivia begged sneaking a look outside to check on her kids, "Please don't."_

"_I have no choice."_

"NO!" Olivia screamed as she bolted in the upright position.

Elliot had heard the scream and woke up to see Olivia shaking. "Liv?" he asked, "Did you have another nightmare?"

Olivia didn't answer and Elliot couldn't see her face to see if she was okay. He reached his hand out to place it on her back and she flinched. "Liv, it's me," Elliot said pulling his hand away.

"He's never going to stop," Olivia said in a shaky voice, "The nightmares are never going to go away because… because he's always going to be there. Thinking about me. Wanting r-evenge."

Elliot could hear the fear and anxiety in Olivia's voice and he wanted more than anything to pull her close to him, "Olivia," he said gently, "I'm going to hug you, okay?"

She didn't say anything so he reached up and wrapped his arms tight around her, puling her into his embrace.

"You don't have to worry about him," Elliot said, "Just worry about us and our mom. Forget about them."

"I c-can't," she said still wracked with sobs.

"It isn't going to be easy," Elliot said trying his best to re-fix her pony tail, "But you're strong enough. You just have to be fearless."

His words seemed to calm her down a bit so he kept on talking, "Just like your necklace says," he whispered as he rubbed her back, "Just like you tell victims when they're scared. Just like you. Fearless. Brave. Strong. Determined. Fearless," he said again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sarah501B - You are such a sweetheart! Your comment meant a lot!**

"Hi Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said walking into her hospital room the next day, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Olivia sighed.

Dr. Kelsey sat down in her usual place and opened her notepad to a fresh page. "I see you haven't ate your breakfast," she said referring to the full platter of food sitting next to her bed.

"Elliot's bringing back donuts," Olivia answered. Dr. Kelsey was sure she saw Olivia smile so she wrote it down.

"Are you ready to get some talking done?"

Olivia just shrugged as she looked around the room for something to occupy her time. "You know everything."

"How did you feel when you had that first panic attack?" Dr. Kelsey asked.

Olivia stopped looking around when she found a tiny bug crawling around on the floor. She focused on that and then answered, "Scared. I felt scared."  
"Why were you scared?"

"I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to get my life back after that," Olivia answered honestly. Her voice was a little shaky and Dr. Kelsey told her it was okay to cry.

"I don't want to cry," Olivia said, "I'm so tired of being weak. It's not me. It's not who I am."

"Who are you Olivia?"

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson. I'm a strong, independent, hardworking detective," she said smiling, "I'm a fighter."

"You are," Dr. Kelsey smiled, "I talked to your nurse this morning and she thinks it's okay if you go back home. She thinks you're ready."

"I am ready," Olivia said, "I have Elliot to help me and my mother." She couldn't believe the words that she was saying. Her mother was one of the reasons why her life would come back together. She never thought she would see the day.

"I brought one of every kind," Elliot said entering the room with a large box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

"I get to go home," Olivia said to Elliot, "Isn't that great?"

Elliot just nodded and handed Olivia a glazed donut. He wasn't sure how he felt about the news. Last time she got to go home things didn't really end up in favor. He thought she needed a little more time.

"Dr. Kelsey," Elliot said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Dr. Kelsey nodded and followed Elliot into the hallway just outside the room.

"Do you really think she's ready? Last time you said that she-"

"Elliot," Dr. Kelsey said interrupting him, "Olivia has gone through hell. You can' predict what's going to happen. All you can do is help her and if she seems that she is getting better, who are we to make her stay here? She's still going to have nightmares," Dr. Kelsey informed, "But they will go away when she learns that they can't hurt her anymore. She might have a few panic attacks here and there but, she will get better. It's a long process."

Elliot sighed and wiped his face with his hand, "I just want what's best for her."

"I know," Dr. Kelsey smiled, "What's best for her is that she go home."

Elliot nodded, "Thanks."

"I'm just doing my job."

Dr. Kelsey took off down the hall with her heels making a clanking sound on the tile floor and Elliot went back to be with Olivia.

"You don't think I'm ready," Olivia said sadly.

"It's not that," Elliot said sitting down next to her on the bed, "I just want what's best for you. I want you to get better and be happy."

"I am happy," Olivia said, "I have you. For once in my life, I have my mother too."

Elliot's smile grew as he listened to Olivia continue explaining the ways she was happy. She went on about how she was one of New York's Finest and that she had saved countless victims, so now it was her turn to save herself. She explained how she was going to win because she wasn't going to give up until that happened. When she finished talking she looked to Elliot who had tears pooling in his eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because," he said with a shaky voice, "Because I love you."

"I love you too."

"I really love you," he said standing up. "Olivia, when we first became partners I knew that you were a strong woman. Hell, anyone who works with Special Victims is strong. You showed me that everyday. Everything that has happened to you, you have dealt with. You continue to prove to me and everyone around you how strong you really are. Olivia Benson," he said reaching into his jacket pocket, "Will you marry me?"


	26. Chapter 26

_"Speak now or forever hold your peace," the preacher announce to the chapel full of guests._

_ "Me," Harris said walking into the church. All the cops in the crowd stood up and walked into the aisle, blocking Harris from getting any closer._

_ Olivia leaned in to Elliot's chest and turned her head so she couldn't see what was going on. Elliot didn't deserve to have to live the rest of life worrying about Harris and Rojas trying to kill them. She couldn't do that to him._

Olivia woke up and realized it was just a dream. She turned over to see Elliot sound asleep next to her. She sighed and got of bed, careful not to wake Elliot up. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of tea and then made her way to the couch in the living room. She didn't bother turning the lights on. She sat down an looked out of the window at the moonlight that was shining in. She wanted to say yes to Elliot more than anything in the world but, she knew she wasn't better yet. She knew that if she said yes she might regret it later on. She leaned back and rested her head on the back of the couch to where she was staring straight up at the ceiling.

"You alright?" Elliot asked stepping into the room.

"Yeah," she whispered.

She felt Elliot sit down next to her on the couch so she turned her head to look at him.

"Want to talk about it?"  
"No," she answered, "I don't know Elliot. I love you, I really do but, I don't want you to have to take care of me. What happens if I go crazy again? What happens if Harris gets out of jail and comes after me again? Just because I have to go through it doesn't mean you do too."

"Hey," Elliot said reaching for her hand, "If it means I get to be with you, I'll do anything."

Olivia smiled, "El, I just can't give you answer right now… I need some time to think."  
"It's okay," Elliot said, "You can have time." Elliot wasn't going to Olivia this but, he felt hurt. He wanted her to say yes but, he knew she couldn't. He understood that, but it didn't mean his heart didn't break a little bit.

Olivia sighed again and moved so that her head was resting in Elliot's lap. He reached down an started stroking her hair. He knew she liked that.

"How come you're up anyway?" he wondered.

"I couldn't sleep."  
"Did you have another nightmare?"

"I guess you could say that," she answered, "I'm fine though."  
"Are you sure? If you need to talk about it, I'm all ears."

"I'm fine," she said again.

Elliot kept silent after that and just continued playing with her until he was sure was asleep. He was lost in thoughts and he couldn't help but think about how close he came to losing her. He took a good look at her with the subtle rays from the moon and smiled. She was still alive and he always told himself that you can't live in the past.

The next day, Olivia had an appointment with Dr. Kelsey and while she was gone Elliot decided he was going to go in to work and gather some files that needed to be finished.

"How's Liv?" Fin asked when he saw Elliot at his desk.

"She's doing okay," Elliot answered honestly, "How are things here?"

"Hectic," he answered, "It hasn't been the same since you two have been off."

"Hopefully we will be back soon," Elliot said, "Sorry to run but, I have to get home before Liv does."

"See ya."

"You look nice today," Dr. Kelsey said to Olivia. Before when Dr. Kelsey had seen Olivia, she looked tired and pale and just not put together. Today, Olivia was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a nice black blouse and she actually had her make up done.

"Thank you," Olivia said.

"So, how do you feel today?"

"Um," she said letting out a deep breath, "Better I guess. I still haven't been able to sleep real well and I've had really bad anxiety the past few days."

"About what?"

"A lot of things," Olivia answered honestly, "I just feel really jumpy."

"That's normal Olivia," Dr. Kelsey reminded her.

"I know," Olivia sighed, "I just wish I could sleep. I'm so tired but, every time I lay down my mind just starts racing with thoughts."

"Thoughts about Harris and Rojas?"

"Yes," Olivia answered sadly, "They got out once before. Who's to say they won't do it again? My mother she… I worry about her too. When she gets out of rehab, who's to say she won't pick up the bottle again?"

"You can't think like that Olivia," Dr. Kelsey said leaning back in her chair, "You have faith in the system don't you?"

"I guess," Olivia said not seeing the point.

"Do you want your mother to get better?"

"Of course I do," she answered again.

"Then you have to believe that the system will work and you have to believe that your mother won't pick up a bottle. You're right, nobody can say that it won't happen but, if you spend the rest of your life living in fear and wonder… what kind of life is that?"

"Not a very good one," Olivia answered. She took into consideration what Dr. Kelsey has said, but that didn't mean she necessarily agreed. It isn't that she didn't want to take the advice, it's that she couldn't. She couldn't get Harris and Rojas out of her head. She couldn't accept the fact that her brother and her aunt were killed because of her. For her selfish reasons they were killed. She didn't know how much longer she could live with that guilt.

"Hey," Elliot said looking up from his files at Olivia.

"Hey," she said in a depressed tone. She flung her jacket off and dropped it to the floor, plopping down on the couch next to Elliot.

Elliot just looked at her and saw that she wasn't the same smiling Olivia that she had been before she talked to Dr. Kelsey.

"Did something happen?" Elliot asked turning his attention back to his paperwork.

"No," Olivia answered, "I'm just tired."

"Do you want to take a nap? I can get dinner started while you lay down."

She just nodded as she stood up off the couch and made her way into the back bedroom where she crawled under the covers and buried her head in shame. Why couldn't she tell anyone that she was still feeling the guilt? She wanted to tell Elliot but, she didn't want him to worry. He shouldn't have to worry about her. She felt a wet spot trickle onto her arm and she realized she was crying. "Great," she whispered to herself."

**Olivia says she wants me to make her better now but, it's a process. Poor Olivia. Poor Elliot. So is there a wedding in the future? Well… I do ship EO**


	27. Chapter 27

**I already have the ending planned and let me just say I think there's a little bit in it to please everyone.**

"Elliot," Olivia hollered from the bedroom, "Can you come here for a second?"

In no time Elliot was on his feet making his way to the bedroom, "You okay?"

"Yes," she said.

"So, what's up?"

"Yes," she said again.

"Yes what?" he asked with a very confused look on his face.

"Yes," she repeated again with a smile forming on her face, "I want to marry you."

Elliot's smile grew and he rushed over to Olivia and wrapped her in his arms, "This is great!" he said, "We are going to get married! Oh Liv, I love you so much!"

"I love you too," she said. She meant that.

"We have to call everyone!" Elliot said placing his hands on top of his head, "We have to call Cragen and Munch and Fin and Alex, Casey, Melinda. We have to make invitations and plan the wedding and-"

"Whoa," Olivia said, "Slow down."

"We are getting married!" he said wrapping his arms tightly around her once more.

"We are getting married," she said.

Olivia had thought about it long and hard while she was lying in bed alone. She knew she owed it to Elliot to marry him and she knew she owed it to herself. The only thing that was still in the back of her mind was what she had put Elliot through. He had taken off of work for her and spent every moment by her side while she was down. He never gave up on her. She was so shocked when he asked her to marry him and if she could she would have said yes right away. She was just glad she came to her senses and said it out loud to him.

"Do you want to plan the wedding?" Elliot asked sitting down next to her, "Or do you want to hire a planner?"

"A planner would be nice," she said, "It'll be easier. I want a big wedding," she smiled.

"Me too," he agreed, "We should make a list of all the things we want. The color, the flowers, the food, the everything."

"Okay," Olivia said feeling a little overwhelmed, "Let's eat dinner first."

"Right," he laughed, "Two bowls of soup coming right up!"

It was late at night and Elliot and Olivia were lying in bed together. Olivia had a notebook in her lap and a pen in her hand and was scribbling away as her and Elliot talked.

"What color do you want it?" Elliot asked, "That's suppose to be the woman's decision."

"How about purple?" she asked, "I like purple."

"Purple it is then."

Olivia wrote down purple on the paper and then went to the next question, "What about flavor of cake?"

"Chocolate," the said in unison.

They ended up laughing at each other, "I should have known the answer to that one," Olivia said.

"What about food?" Elliot wondered.

Olivia thought about it for a moment and then replied, "We could always order take out."

"It's our wedding Liv," Elliot said, "We aren't eating take out."

"It was worth a shot."  
As they talked, Olivia kept forcing the smile on her face. She saw how happy it was making him and that made her a little happy too.

'If only he knew the real reason,' Olivia thought, 'He's going to end up hating me."

"Liv?" Elliot asked noticing that she was staring off into space.

"Huh? Sorry," she said, "I was just day dreaming."

"About the wedding?"

"Yeah," she lied.

Elliot pulled the notebook and pen from Olivia's hand and sat them down on the table. He turned over to her and just stared into her eyes. They didn't need to say anything because they both knew how much they loved each other. Elliot couldn't resist any longer and he leaned down to plant his lips on Olivia's. He kept going when she didn't flinch and returned the favor. He added his tongue and things progressed but he knew better than to take it too far. He stopped and rolled off of her when he got too excited.

"Why did you stop?" she asked.

"Liv," he said in a serious tone, "You aren't ready."

"Yes I am," she argued. She was lying, but she didn't want to make Elliot suffer. She would endure the pain if it meant Elliot could have some fun.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered, "Positive."

Elliot pulled Olivia on top of him and they picked up where they left off. Olivia pushed every thought that entered her mind away so she could at least try and enjoy what was happening.

The next week it was time to shop for dresses. Olivia was nervous because she wanted the dress to be perfect. Elliot had told her that it didn't matter the price as long as she was happy.

She walked into the store with Alex on her one side and Melinda on her other. The woman who would be helping them was an older woman whose name was Ella.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" Ella directed toward Olivia.

Olivia shook her head, "Something simple."

"Alright," Ella said, "I'll pick out a few dresses I think you will like and I'll be right back."

Olivia sat down with Melinda and Alex on the little red couch that sat in front of a bunch of mirrors. Olivia waited anxiously for the woman to come back and show her the gorgeous white gowns.

"If you want to come back this way and try them on," Ella said ushering for Olivia to follow her. She took the first dress from Ella and walked behind the changing curtain to try it on. When Ella had helped her lace up the back she walked into the room where her friends were waiting.

"Liv," Alex said that dress is beautiful.

Olivia turned around to face the mirrors and what she saw took her own breath away. She never imagined she would be in this position and now here she was. The dress was a simple yet very elegant one. It was a pure white dress that fit perfectly to her body. It was strapless at the top and had a few jewels to decorate it.

"I don't even think I need to try the others on," Olivia said turning around to face her friends, "This is it."  
Ella smiled, "You looked lovely."

"Thank you," Olivia said gratefully, "How much?"

"800," Ella answered.

Olivia sighed and turned to look in the mirror one last time before she would change out of it. 'This is it,' she thought to herself, 'You are really doing this.'

**There's two chapters left! A really intense two chapters!**


	28. Chapter 28

Olivia awoke early the next morning to an empty bed. She wiped the sleepy out of her eyes and stretched before getting up to look for Elliot. She walked into the kitchen where he usually was in the morning but he wasn't in there. Instead there was a note hung up on the fridge.

_Went to work. Be back soon. _

_ Love El._

She smiled and pulled the note off the fridge to throw it away. She poured herself a cup of coffee and then walked back into her bedroom to admire the wedding dress that was hanging on the closet door.

She wanted to wear it again so, she sat her coffee to the side and took the dress off of it's hanger. She stepped into it and laced the back up the best she could. Then she walked over to the full length mirror and just stood in front of it. After their wedding, she felt like the happiest person in the world. All the worries she had had before went away. She knew she was doing the right thing and she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life in peace with Elliot by her side.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her cell phone ringing and she saw that it was Cragen so she answered.

"Olivia," he said in a somber tone, "I think you need to come down to the precinct."

"What is it?" Olivia asked starting to worry.

"Just come down here, please," Cragen said.

"Captain, tell me what's going on," Olivia demanded.

She heard Cragen sigh, "There was a shooting today involving a little girl… I'm afraid Elliot didn't make it."  
Olivia could feel her heart rate speeding up as she dropped the phone to the floor. She could feel her throat closing in and she couldn't breathe. She stumbled backward onto the bed and fell down with tears streaking down her face. Her black eyeliner now made trails down her cheeks and she was hyperventilating.

"No," she said through her sobs, "No… this isn't true. This is just a joke." She kept telling herself things like that so it wouldn't become a reality. She struggled to catch her breath as she started sobbing harder and whishing that Elliot would appear by her side. "You were going to be my husband," she whispered through her tears, "You don't get to leave! Come back! Please! Elliot! El-liot!"

She looked down at her wedding dress that now had a puddle from her tears. She started laughing because she really believed it was all a joke. A sick, cruel, joke. She got up off of the bed and walked back over to the mirror. She saw a person who was again broken. She should have known that the wedding was too good to be true. She took a hold of the dress with her two hands and shuttered out breath.

"I'm so sorry, El."

"Olivia! Olivia wake up! Get up!"

Olivia startled awake to Elliot shaking her with force. She thought she was dreaming.

"El?"

"Liv, it's me," he said with a tear in his eye. He had heard everything she said, "It was a nightmare Liv. I'm right here." He pulled her close to him and for a moment she was silent until she couldn't choke back the tears anymore. She cried into his chest as he held her tight and rubbed her back while whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

"I thought I lost you," she whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere Liv," he said in a stern tone, "Never. I have wasted away so much time already. It isn't going to happen. From now on, it's you and I. I love you."

"I love you too," she said shakily.

Elliot squeezed her just a little tighter and planted a kiss on the top of her head. They were finally together and Elliot wasn't going to let anything come between that.

**Short chapter... yes I know. Please review!**


	29. Chapter 29

Together they stood there on the balcony of their new house on the beach overlooking the ocean. Olivia's back was to Elliot's chest and he had his arms wrapped around her. The wind was a cool gentle breeze and it was blowing Olivia's hair into Elliot's eyes.

"You keep getting hair in my eyes," Elliot chuckled.

"Sorry," she laughed stepping away from him. She walked closer to the railing and rested her arms on them so she could see down below.

"What are you thinking about?" Elliot asked joining her.

"Last year," she answered watching a family build a sandcastle on the beach.

Elliot sighed, "That's the past."

"I know," she said, "We did it though. We made it through and here we are at our new house on the beach. The sun is still shining and my mom is sober. Your mom has came around again and… we have a family."

"We do," he smiled.

The wind stated to pick up just a little as the sun seeped lower behind the horizon. The sky was a pretty shade of orange and purple and Olivia smiled to herself.

"Our anniversary is coming up," she said turning to look at him.

"When is that again?" he asked jokingly.

"Funny," she said, "What are we going to do?"

"Well," Elliot said, "We could try to work on having that baby…"

Olivia smiled, "Baby?"

"I've always wanted kids," he said hoping she understood.

"Me too," she smiled, "A little girl and a little boy."

"Me too," Elliot said, "A little Elliot and a little Olivia."

"Just what this world needs," Olivia smiled, "Another Benson and Stabler."

Elliot laughed and wrapped his arms around Olivia once more. They stood there on the balcony watching the sunset and each of them thinking about how far they had come in the past year.

Olivia's nightmares had finally subsided and she was able to get a good night's rest. They weren't gone completely, but they were less seldom and she had learned to deal with them. She went to see Dr. Kelsey once a month, just so she could have someone to talk to about things and make sure she was doing okay. She also was able to get rid of the panic attacks completely and she finally felt like she had her life back, only ten times better than before.

Elliot had gotten promoted at the precinct to Captain when Cragen retired and he was pretty happy about that. Sometimes it made his and Olivia's relationship complicated but, they always managed to work through it. He had gotten reacquainted with his mother and every weekend she came down for a family dinner along with Serena. He never thought he would get a family but now he had the best one in the world. He wouldn't have traded one of those sleepless nights.

When the sun was finally gone and the night sky was rolling over, Elliot leaned over and whispered something into her ear. She nodded and they walked back into the house together.

**The End!**

**Somebody asked about a sequel, probably night because I think this ended on a good note but, I'm not sure yet. So, thank you so much for being loyal readers and I loved every one of your reviews! I hope the ending didn't disappoint.**


End file.
